Can you believe that we’re on the runway to Christmas again?

Of course, the shops have been trying to get us excited and into “buying action” for a month or two now!  But, it seems we need to face the reality that Christmas is almost here again.

I don’t know if it’s the same for you, but I find it’s too easy for me to get so caught up in “everything Christmas” that by the time Christmas Day arrives, it’s hard to get excited about anything!  (I’m sounding more like the Grinch every year!!)

If my daughter had her way, our house would be covered in fairy lights from top to bottom with a Christmas tree in every room!  She is a true connoisseur of this season.

Having said that, I really do love Christmas, but I know that I need to make choices about how I prepare for it, so that I can enjoy Christmas instead of being overwhelmed by all the hype around it.

Here are six things that I like to do to help get make my Christmas wonderful:

1. I enjoy starting my Christmas shopping early, and do it bit by bit, so that I’m not rushing around in the last week trying to find lots of gifts.

2. Find some time every few days to sit down and listen to your favourite Christmas music – not what’s playing on repeat in the shops!! What’s your favourite Christmas music?  If you could stop right now and listen to anything, what would you choose?  (I must confess, I’d put just about anything on to stop the tune of “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” going around and around in my head!) Some Michael Buble music would go down well for me.  Or even Relient K.

3. Make something to give to others. It doesn’t have to be complicated – but make it fun for you to do.  I’m a bit of a “crafty” person, so I enjoy getting a bit creative around this time of year.  Last year, I found a fun Christmas sleigh made with chocolate bars and candy sticks all stuck together that I enjoyed making and giving to others in a small group I’m involved in.  I’ve already started checking out Pinterest for ideas this year!

4. Read the Christmas story to your family or just to yourself to remind yourself what this season is all about. Even if you’re don’t have a faith, it’s good to remember that this season is all about love and giving to others.

5. By the time we get to Christmas Eve, I try to have most things ready. Our family has started a tradition where we go out for Chinese on Christmas Eve and then come home and watch Carols by Candlelight (and wrap any last-minute gifts).  It’s almost a preparation to slow down a little and enjoy each other’s company.  It’s so nice not to have to cook and clean up!

6. Christmas Day is all about family and friends (especially those who don’t have anyone to spend the day with). Over the years we’ve had different ones come and spend part or all day with us.  It’s been special to have them as part of our family.

What do you do to help yourself celebrate Christmas and not get overwhelmed with all the hype?  I’d love to read your ideas in the comments.

Have a wonderful Christmas season!

When was the last time you heard yourself, or someone else say something like “I don’t know where the time has gone – it’s just flown by”.   

We all know that time hasn’t gone any faster!  We’ve just been so busy or preoccupied with other things that we haven’t stopped and noticed how time is passing.

Time must be a popular topic if the number of songs that talk about it is any measure!

“If you’re lost and you look – and you will find me.  Time after time….”

“If I could save time in a bottle…”

“Rock around the clock…”

“Oh, oh, oh for the longest time…”

“By the time I get to Phoenix…”

And on the list, goes.

I don’t know about you, but I like to forget about the fact that we all only have a certain amount of time to live our lives and just get on with living.  I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not!

But one thing I do know is that it’s important to be present in each moment that we have, because time is limited.

If we’re not present in the circumstances and lives we are in now, we miss experiencing our own life.

I know this might sound a bit stupid – of course we want to experience our lives!!  But how many of us spent most of our time worried about what might happen in the next minutes, hours or days?  Or how many of us can’t let go of the past and those things that caused us pain; or can’t let go of the loved ones that aren’t with us anymore?

It’s not bad to remember or to plan for the future, but the question is how good are we at living in the present?

If you were to rate yourself on how well you live in the present using a scale from 1 to 10; 1 being bad and 10 being excellent; where would you put yourself on the scale?

Are you present when your little one is speaking to you, even when you have no idea what they’re trying to say?

Are you present when your friend is telling you what life is like for them and how they’re struggling?

Are you present when your partner is telling you about their promotion and how great it is to be appreciated at work?

How present are you when your grandmother tells you about her youth and all she got up to?

We can be so busy DOING everything we think we have to do, that we miss BEING the person we are, and we miss BEING WITH those around us on this journey.

As we come up to Christmas, it can feel like the past months have been a blur.  The bad news is – it usually gets busier!

So how do we live in each moment?  Here’s a few things that might help:

1. Stop whatever you’re doing and look around you. Whenever you think of it, stop what you’re doing and thinking and look at the people you are with and remember why you are with them.  If you’re on your own, enjoy the moment and remember why you’re doing what you are.  If you think, I want things to be different, that’s okay, but acknowledge where you are now.

2. When you can, sit down in a comfortable chair, close your eyes for a minute and allow yourself to slowly and steadily breathe in and out.  In and out.  Make sure your shoulders are relaxed and your neck isn’t too tense.  Gently roll your head around in circles.  Slowly and gently.  After a minute or two, slowly open your eyes and look at where you are.  See the colours, the shapes and the beauty.  Hear the sounds around you.  Are they noisy or distant and soft?

3. Acknowledge your feelings and choose whether to allow them to control you now. We can make choices about whether to stop and dwell on them now, or whether to move on and come back to it later.  At times it can seem that our feelings control us, but we can choose how much we allow those feelings to affect us in any moment.  Name the feeling: “I’m feeling tired”, “I’m feeling sad”, “I’m feeling happy”.

If feelings keep rising unexpectedly and leave you confused it might be good to journal about it or speak to a counsellor about what’s behind it.

How will you live in the time you have today? 

What are you like at letting go?

It seems that all through our lives we are forever “letting go” of things, people, places, dreams, and the list goes on and on.  I must confess that I don’t find letting go easy.  Do you?

When our kids were younger, I felt like I was forever having to “let go” of something in their lives, so they could take the next steps and move on.

Being a parent really is about helping these little babies you’ve been entrusted with, grow away from you and become healthy, independent people.

Now, let’s be honest here.  That isn’t always simple!!  This little baby that you brought into the world and fed; kept clean (sometimes!); tried to put to sleep an endless number of times (despite them having other ideas!); etc. – this little baby grows up and, doesn’t need you!  At least you know you’ve done your job well if they’ve become independent human beings.  But it sucks!  Well, for a while, anyway – until we can adjust to the new stage of their development and the changes it brings in our relationship with them.

They can be sad moments when we look back and see what turned out to be the last time we did things:  the last time I fed them; or took them to kindergarten, playgroup, primary school, etc. – the list goes on and on.  It’s normal to grieve a little, but we, like them, must learn to let go and move on.

But it doesn’t stop with children, does it?  There are times we need to say goodbye to people and “let them go” away from us.  Sometimes our friends, or relatives move away, and we won’t see them nearly as often as we used to.

How we respond to this change can significantly affect our ongoing relationship with them.

If we can acknowledge the grief that comes with the change, but still accept the situation and try and find a new footing for the relationship, it can still be a special one.

I love it when I get together with someone I haven’t seen in years and we can just pick up with where we left off and go on from there.  There isn’t any “emotional baggage” to have to try and work through because we didn’t handle their leaving very well.  We can greet each other like the friends we are and connect as we always have.

At other times we need to let go of people permanently.  When a loved one; parent; friend or someone close to us passes away, we have to let go of the relationship we had with them.  The grief can be overwhelming – depending on the situation.  It’s coming up to three years since my Dad passed away.  His passing wasn’t completely unexpected, but it was difficult for lots of reasons.  This type of letting go is painful because it’s so permanent.  How we handle someone close to us dying is going to be important because if we don’t handle it well, it can affect us for years to come.

Please don’t hear me saying that this is simple, it isn’t at all and sometimes the suddenness of it or the cruelty of their passing can add to the distressing nature of it.  What I am saying though, is that we can choose to work through the situation in a healthy way or we can allow ourselves to be stuck in, what feels like a never-ending cycle of emotion.

I was walking through the shops today and saw a man who reminded me of my Dad.  Straight away a wave of grief washed over me.  It’s what we do next that is important.  In that moment, I was able to say to myself, “I miss you, Dad”.  A deep sigh rose up inside and I smiled, remembering who he was to me and my family.  I then moved on.

Can I encourage you when you are facing a time of “letting go” to work on these 3 things?

1. NAME THE FEELING THAT RISES WITHIN YOU. Often there’s a feeling that rises within us, even before we’re aware of anything else.  Is it grief, anger, frustration, powerlessness, ……?  Find a word that describes the feeling you have.  Sometimes you might even need to use a couple because one word just doesn’t do it!  Name it.  Say it to yourself or write it down.

2. SAY THE WORDS THAT YOU WANT TO SAY. Sometimes it’s not easy to find the words.  For me, it was saying “I miss you, Dad”.  Depending on your situation it might be:
   1. I don’t want you to go
   2. I’m angry that you’re leaving me.
   3. I don’t want you to grow up so quickly!!
   4. I love you and want you to stay with me.

On and on the list, could go.  Just try and find the words that say what you’re feeling.

3. REMEMBER WHO THEY WERE TO YOU BEFORE THE CHANGE AND, WHERE APPROPRIATE, WHO THEY ARE NOW. Instead of just staying in that emotion, remember a time when you were together, enjoying what you were doing.  Isn’t that how you’d like to remember someone that’s passed away – as you were together in the good times?  If it’s someone that’s moved or changed, do the same thing – remember a special time you had together and allow that to be your focus.

As we’re able to do this, there’s a much greater chance that we can “pick up where we left of” the next time we’re together or move on with our own lives.  Each situation can be different.

I encourage you if you’re stuck and can’t seem to move forward, seek some help.  Find a counsellor you can talk to.  You might find you’re able to move forward more easily and quickly if you do.

I had one of those enlightening moments the other day, when it was like a light bulb literally turned on above my head.  You know those times when the words “oh, now I get it!” just come pouring out as you’ve realized something new and different.

Let’s be honest, sometimes these moments come at the end of a period of what seems like torture, when we’re the last person in the room who seems to understand what is going on or being said.  The joke that doesn’t seem funny; the puzzle that you just can’t get your mind around; or even a story that everyone else is raving about, but you don’t get.   (I must confess, this is becoming more and more common with my kids at present.  They do speak a different language, don’t they?  I know it’s English, but I don’t understand most of what is being said!  I just nod and smile…trying to look intelligent!)

I must confess…I hate being in the fog where everybody else knows what is going on, but I don’t have a clue!  I hate it even more, when I’m in the fog about my own life and feel stuck in concrete about how to change anything!!

Anyway…the other day I was strolling through Facebook and saw a video clip that looked interesting and was only short, so thought I’d have a look.  As this lady spoke I could see connections to a course I’d done a couple of years ago.  It was a great course and while I got a lot out of it, I felt like I could have learnt more.  Some others who did it were saying how life-changing it was for them and how they could put so much of it into action.

As I watched this short clip on Facebook, I started to make connections with the course and it was like a whole row of dominoes started to tip over, one after the other!   It was one of these AHA, enlightening moments!   So much so, I watched it again and jotted down some notes.  As soon as it was finished, I even wrote down 8 things that I could do to help myself move forward!

I can’t tell you how liberating that felt (and still does, days later!)  I had felt stuck for several years and had no idea how to get out of that place.  I’d worked hard trying to find a way out, but nothing seemed to gel for me.

So, what changed for me?  I honestly think that I had heard these words in different ways over the past years, but on this day, I was able to hear them with ALL OF ME.  Not just my mind hearing the words, but my heart was connecting to it as well and I knew wholeheartedly, how I could move forward to change my life.

What a powerful moment.  The great thing is that because I could action what I had heard straight away, I have notes to keep going back to.  When the feelings of helplessness or being stuck rise again, as from past history I’m sure they will, I can go back and read these notes and KNOW what I need to do.

If you’re feeling like you’re stuck somewhere, hang on – I certainly had to.  Find help if you need it – I did.  When all of you is ready, heart and mind, you’ll know how to take the first step to move forward in your life.

Have you had this happen to you too?

How long has it been since you have felt like someone has listened to you?  Not just heard the words and been quick to respond.  But has heard and seen you behind your words.

You’re one of the lucky ones if you’ve experienced this recently.  Maybe another question I could ask is, how often have you experienced someone really listening to you?

I love knowing that someone is wanting to do the work of listening to me.  It is work though, isn’t it?  It’s so easy for us to want to interrupt when someone is speaking and share our own stories, or to say why we agree or disagree with what they’re saying.  Sure, there’s a time and place for that kind of discussion.  But how can I really know what’s going or for you, or vice versa, if I don’t give my time and space to hear your world.  This is the work I’m talking about.  I know for me, this often means biting my tongue (quite literally!!) and not interrupting!

I recently put two words in my search engine online – listening & definition and I was surprized by the responses:

The Collins Dictionary states, “Listening definition:  the act of concentrating on hearing something.”  https://www.collinsdictionary.com

The online Oxford Dictionary states the “Definition of listening skills – the ability to pay attention to and effectively interpret what other people are saying.” https://en.oxforddictionaries.com

The business dictionary says the “Definition of active listening: The act of mindfully hearing and attempting to comprehend the meaning of words spoken by another in a conversation or speech.” (www.businessdictionary.com)

I find it fascinating that out of these three definitions, only the Collins Dictionary states what just listening is – hearing a sound!  The Oxford gives the definition of “listening skills” and the Business Dictionary tells us what “active listening” is.  All these things are quite true, but the last two seem to assume that there is more to listening that just hearing a sound – it is a skill and it is something we can do actively or passively!!  (Although if you try and do it passively – without any real engagement – listen to what the actress Raquel Welch once said “You can’t fake listening.  It shows.”  If an actress can’t fake listening, maybe it’s also obvious to the other person when you or I aren’t really listening!)

When I hear a sound in the middle of the night, I can assure you that I will be listening acutely to see if I can work out what it is!!  If I’m at a party and someone starts telling me about their golfing swing or the latest move on a computer game I’ve never heard of, I’ll have to actively work to try and understand what on earth they are talking about!  If they start talking about the latest movie that I’ve also seen, it will be hard for me to keep my mouth shut and not take over the conversation!  But if someone starts to share something deeply personal, like how their struggling over the death of someone close, or they don’t know what’s wrong with themselves, then I want to be ready to actively listen.  This doesn’t mean having all the answers, but to give that person my time and space to listen to their world.  A quote I saw just recently sums this up: “Listening is often the only thing needed to help someone”.

If this quote is true, why do we find it so hard to “just” listen?  There are probably lots of answers to that question:  we’ve forgotten how to or never learned in the first place; we’re so busy in our lives that we don’t have the time to stop and listen to somebody; our own inner worlds are racing around and we can’t find a way to stop all the voices in our heads so we can hear someone else.  If you’re someone who finds it hard to listen to others, ask yourself why that is.  Maybe you need someone to take the time to listen to you.

It’s fascinating, isn’t it, that the two words LISTEN and SILENT are made up of the same letters!