Do you live with a chronic illness and struggle to set goals and – actually achieve them.
Do you get nervous thinking about setting goals and moving forward?
There can be numerous reasons for this, and it might be very different for you and someone else you know with the same chronic illness. But what I do know is that a lot of people struggle with this same issue. So, what might be stopping you from setting goals?
- HISTORY: in the past you may have failed any time that you have tried to achieve something. It may have been as simple as going out to a party. You accepted the invitation, worked towards going, but come time to get ready to go, you were exhausted, your body was aching, and you weren’t up to partying.This can leave a lot of unhelpful residue to push through. It’s true that we don’t know what any of us will be like on the day we want to do something. But when you have a history of having to say “no” to things at the last minute because you’re feeling weak and in pain, it puts you off saying “yes” in the first place!
- FEELING ON THE EDGE OF THINGS WHEN YOU DO PARTICIPATE: I know for me there have been times when I pushed through and went to a party or something I’d been asked to go to, only to feel like I was on the edge of things. The noise around me echoed in my head which made it even harder to focus on who I was listening to at the time. Others who were the “life of the party” were floating around from person to person having a wonderful time, but I could only watch on and wish I just had a little bit of their energy.
- COMPARING MY LIFE TO OTHERS AND COMING UP SHORT: Have you ever wanted to do something and then you see others chasing their dreams and actually achieving them with seemingly endless energy? How are you left feeling? I often end up feeling deflated as I watch on from the sidelines, once again. There was hope for a little while that I might be able to achieve something, but then I’ve looked around at others and seen how they’re really living life and making something of themselves. I’m left feeling like I may as well give up! I don’t have any of their drive and energy to make things happen, so what’s the point? (Don’t give up yet though. We can move forward…)
- FEAR OF FAILING: What if I actually do put all my energy into something and end up being no good at it? What if I discover that I’m hopeless at it and everyone laughs at me or thinks I’m crazy for trying? Fear of failing is a huge hurdle for many of us to climb over and let’s be honest, there’s no guarantees about anything. But the important thing is learning more about yourself in the process. These four things can have a powerful hold of our lives if we allow them to. You may even have another point or two to add to the list. Regardless of our past and of our fears, we can move forward in our lives even while living with a chronic illness.
Here are 4 steps you can make to start you off on the process of living a life you love.
- The first and most important step you need to work on is being realistic about where you are at in your life right now.
So often, we set ridiculous goals for ourselves out of sheer frustration at being limited in what we can do. But, if you can take a few moments to step back and look at how you are currently and, in the light of this, try to name a few things that you would love to work towards doing, you may find that these goals are achievable for you. It’s true that these goals may not be the “big, exciting things” that you’ve been wanting to do forever but have always felt out of your reach.
Can you see though, that if you can achieve these smaller goals, (which are realistic with the limitations of your chronic illness); you will be able to move forward, a step at a time towards other goals?
- The second step is to write down your goal and then work your way backwards listing all the steps you need to take to reach your goal.
It doesn’t matter how small the steps seem to be, write them down. Believe me, you’ll have a lot of enjoyment when you can tick off each step one by one as you complete them. I often do this by brainstorming and writing everything down on a piece of paper in no particular order. Then I try to put it into an order and can start to see things that might be missing. You’ve probably come across the acronym SMART in setting your goals. The acronym stands for:
Specific (who/what/where/when/why)
Measurable (what measure will you use to know you’ve achieved it?)
Achievable (is it achievable for you at present?)
Relevant (is it relevant to you right now?)
Timely (When will it be achieved?) If you work towards making your goal using these things, you will find it much more achievable. I found this article helpful in explaining the SMART acronym: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/smart-goals.htm So, start small, but with something you would like to achieve and set yourself realistic boundaries around it. It’s important to be able to complete this and be happy with your results.
- The third step is to undertake each step towards your goal.
As I said previously, enjoy taking the time to tick off each step as you complete it. You have taken another step to achieving this goal. Well done! Don’t downplay the significance of this. As you can move forward step by step towards this goal, belief can start to rise that maybe you can work towards some other goals too. If you find that your time frame wasn’t very realistic, that’s okay, re-work it and start moving forward again. This is a process and it’s not just about reaching your goal. It’s also about learning to set realistic goals and taking one step at a time to achieve them. You may find that you’re better at doing some parts of the goal than others. That’s okay. You’ve learnt something new about yourself. Maybe you can ask someone for some help in this area. Or you can do some research on the internet? (It’s amazing how many You Tube videos there are on just about every subject!)
- Finally, when you’ve reached your Goal:
It’s time to celebrate! Well done! How does it feel knowing that you’ve completed your goal? Don’t downplay this. (Sure, it may not have been a huge goal – that wasn’t the point of the exercise. This is about making sure you do achieve a goal. Can you see how important this is for all of us to achieve?) How did you go achieving your goal? What are the things that you learnt about yourself in the process? What are some of the things you want to remember for the next time you work towards a goal? I know this may feel like small steps, but never underestimate the importance of building this foundation slowly and steadily. What would you like to set as your next goal? I’d love to hear how you went with this. Leave a note in the comments section and encourage others to have a go too.