How do you respond when somebody asks you how you are? Do you answer honestly and tell people the truth about yourself – physically and emotionally? Or do you just turn on automatic response mode and say, “I’m fine”?
There are lots of rituals around greetings that sometimes we only become aware of “in the moment”.
In Australia, it’s a part of our greeting to say “G’day, how are ya?” – or other similar versions! We ask a question, but to be honest, we really don’t expect an in-depth response – in fact, you’ll put most of us to sleep if you tell us in more than two words how you really are! It’s not that we’re being rude – well, most of the time, anyway – it’s just that we use that greeting of g’day to get a sense of the person we’re talking to. Aussies will ask again if they really want to know how you are!
For some of us, we don’t have many opportunities to share how we’re going. It’s strange, isn’t it? Often, we’re surrounded by people, but we can’t share what’s going on for us. There’s lots of reasons why we don’t:
- we might not feel safe enough to share;
- we’re not sure that others will listen;
- we’re so busy doing other things we don’t talk about our own lives – on and on the list, goes.
Somewhere we need to find someone who will listen; someone who will care about what is happening for us and will give us the space we need to share a little of our world. Without this, we can become very isolated and lonely; we can allow our feelings to overtake us and end up depressed.
Okay, so why am I going on about this seemingly little question? Because I believe it can change lives. Let me show you what I mean.
Have you ever had a lousy day – you know the sort I mean – where you’re feeling down, lonely, frustrated…; and then someone asks you how you’re going and after just a few minutes of sharing a little bit of yourself (and it only takes a little), you feel like a completely different person? You end up feeling content and okay with where you are. That’s a dramatic change, don’t you think? From one-minute feeling depressed and lonely, to the next feeling positive and cared for.
This has happened to me on numerous occasions. I’m one of those “feelings” people. Feelings can easily trip me up and rule my life if I let them. I’m very conscious of what’s going on inside of me and this can lead me down a spiral of despair if I let it. Sometimes, I can be spiralling down this pathway without even realizing it.
But all that it takes to stop this free fall is having one person connect with me. One person who wants to see me and listen; ask how I am and really want to know. Straight away, I’m drawn outside of myself to answer the question. I need to look at myself to find the answer and as I do that another part of me comes alive. It’s the part of me that can see clearly and help disperse the fog I’ve been living in!
I wonder how many people’s lives would be turned around if we made the time to stop and try to connect – even for a short time. Sure, there’s a risk in asking. I don’t deny that. Some people will just tell us to “get lost” in no uncertain terms. But that’s their problem. Their defences are so strong, they don’t want anybody getting near them. But it’s worth the risk of being rejected, to help our friends and family know they are seen and ultimately, that they’re okay! I don’t say that lightly. I know it can hurt to be rejected, but aren’t those around us important enough to us that we risk that feeling of hurt?
You never know… by allowing someone a little of your time and giving them the space to explore themselves, you are giving a precious gift that just might save their life!