One of the most enjoyable, yet hardest times of life, is when you land back at home with a newborn baby. I loved mine like mad, but they sure were exhausting!!
A week after having my first child, I ended up back in hospital when my blood pressure went through the roof. I'm very thankful for my Obstetrician who knew enough about me from the previous nine months, to know that the high blood pressure was due to stress – thanks to a typical type A personality!! Sure he ran a few tests to make sure it wasn't anything else, but he knew all along that I wasn't coping with this little baby that didn't fit into my routine.
I'm sure I'm not alone in this. I was looking forward so much to this little one arriving and at last they were here, but I had no way of preparing for the sleepless nights; the endless crying when they hadn't had enough to drink (because I was so stressed), etc It was a never-ending cycle of exhaustion – no wonder my BP went up!!! I honestly thought I could organise myself in such a way that my day would run like clockwork. Huh! Bubs had other ideas!
As a result of the chaos that little ones bring, it's important to work out what you need to do to make life as manageable as possible. It's never going to look like what it was pre-pregnancy, but we need to find a balance in all that we do so we are not just surviving this period, but enjoying it too.
Here are six things that I had to learn to do that brought a little bit of balance back into my days:
- Make time to connect with your partner when they come home. Maybe it won't work as soon as they walk through the door, but make a time as soon as possible to sit down, have a cuppa and talk about each of your days. This became a special part of the day for my husband and me. We still try to do it now. Sometimes it doesn't happen until after dinner, but at least we hear about what's happened for each us. As a Mum at home, who was used to working fulltime, I was relieved to have someone hear about what my day was like because it was such a new thing for me.
- HOUSEWORK DOES WAIT! – remember this! It's okay to not have the perfectly spotless house you used to (well for some that might have been true!) My husband and I tried to make a time each week when we'd get the housework done. We'd share out the jobs. Sometimes I'd get jobs done during the day, but other weeks, it was impossible. I always tried to “tidy up” as I went, so I wasn't living in a mess, which would frustrate me. But it's true, regardless of what anybody says, housework does wait.
- Look after yourself. I remember being given a great little book years ago …”Mothers Matter Too”. (Even when I couldn't remember much about the book anymore, the title was a good reminder in itself.) At this time when a little one is completely dependent on you, it's important that you find ways to look after yourself. We're all different in this. For some it might mean having some time out for yourself an afternoon each week; or being able to sleep whenever the baby does; or whatever you need to go the distance.
- Connect with Other Mums. This was incredibly important for me. Some other adult company – friends who could tell you whether you are doing everything wrong or maybe fluking a few things right! Have a weekly morning tea together. Go to each other's homes, so the pressure isn't on any one in particular each week. It's a great chance to hear how others do things and maybe work out that actually, you're going okay! This is especially helpful when it’s your first child. Other Mums can be very reassuring and have some great tips to hand on as well!
- Plan a Regular Date Night with your Partner. As often as you can, whatever is realistic, but at least once a month, get out with your partner and enjoy some time to yourself. It doesn't need to be expensive. A leisurely walk along the beach, or seeing the latest movie, or going for a picnic can be great times away without bubs. If babysitting is too costly in your budget and there's no family nearby, (as it was for us) maybe ask one of the other mums you get together with if they can babysit and then you do it for them in return.
- Plan opportunities when you can enjoy time with your little one. Believe me, it's true that our kids are only little for a very short time (my son is over 6 foot now and looks down on me!) Even though I was exhausted, one of my favourite times of the day was sitting in the rocking chair, feeding my baby in the middle of the night. It was just them and me. No pressure to do anything but be with them. That was precious time.
What did/do you do to survive this wonderful, yet often overwhelming time? I'd love to hear your ideas.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, if you ever find that you've reached “the end of yourself” and don't know how to manage, please ask for help. Whether it's from a family member; a friend; maybe a woman who's a little older but has been there before; a maternal childcare nurse or your doctor – if you feel like you're just not coping through this time, ask for help. You may be suffering from post-natal depression or be so exhausted from lack of sleep, that you need someone else to give you a bit of break, so you can recharge a little. You're not just doing this for yourself, you're doing it for your baby as well.