Every so often life has a habit of throwing us a curve ball. This could be in the shape of a prolonged illness; the death of someone close; losing a job; the end of a relationship; the list goes on and on.
Often at these times we resort to “survival mode” – we do whatever has to be done in the moment and just try to keep putting one foot in front of the other to survive. It's normal.
But what happens next? How do you move forward when there's been a lot of changes in your life and you're not even sure which way is forward anymore? It's not a simple process and please don't hear me saying that it is. But somehow we need to work out how to respond to life in these situations and make the most of this life we have, whatever shape we're in.
Twenty years ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I had no idea what it was, but at the time, I was just relieved to have a name for it. I had been living with debilitating fatigue for about a year, most days I ended up spending in bed, which wasn't easy as I had a baby and a 3 yo at home at the time. I remember the Pain Specialist that I saw after being diagnosed saying to me, “The good news is you won't die from it, the bad news is that there's no cure”. I was pretty relieved to hear the first part! The latter part didn't sink in until later.
Life has changed and I have learned to live with this illness – although in all honesty, I should say I'm still learning to live with this illness. (I was hesitant to even share about my illness, because I know of others so much worse than me.) I wish I could say that there was some simple answer; some easy cure or programme that makes it easier to live with lifes challenges. I've certainly found some great courses that have helped mentally, (I'll share about them another time), but I still find myself trying to answer the question “how do I live with fibromyalgia?”
Recently someone close to me passed away after a five-year battle with motor neurones disease. Tears rise, even as I write this, as I think of the incredible way this person lived with this horrible, debilitating illness. He seemed to accept his illness, while not giving in to it. As the disease progressed and he was more incapacitated, he learned to adapt to this new limitation and seemingly not let it get him down. (These weren't little things of course. I'm talking about losing the use of your legs; having to have food through a stomach tube, instead of enjoying the flavour in your mouth – something he loved greatly!!)
Don't get me wrong. He was human. I'm sure he struggled and at times you could see it in his eyes, but that wasn't all there was to him. He didn't lose who he was to the mnd, even though it destroyed his body. Even when he couldn't speak anymore, he would greet everyone with a warm, glowing smile. You could see him in that smile, even when his body didn't look the same.
We all have this same capacity to choose how we will respond to our circumstances. Often, we don't feel like we have a choice. “How can I possibly smile when my body is aching?” Or “How can I keep on going to work or being civil to people when I've lost someone close to me?” Of course, we need to allow ourselves to go through grief and adjustment- it will take time. But know that there is still a life for you to live.
I recently saw the movie “Me Before You”. (Spoiler alert if you haven't seen it!!) It was so lovely to see how this bubbly, often inept, young woman helped the young quadriplegic man to smile and enter into life again. But I felt so sad that he couldn't find a way to continue living. He wanted life to be what it was before his accident and wouldn't adapt to his current situation.
At one level I understand – who wants to be completely paralyzed. But at another, this life is what we have. We've been given this time and this moment. At times, life does ask us to adapt and we will often need other's help to do this, but that's okay. We were never meant to live this life in isolation. We need each other to live life to the fullest we can – whatever our circumstances.
Never doubt that even when all we have left to give is a smile, the impact of that smile on others can literally change lives. If you can smile, and in that smile, connect with me, with all that life has thrown at you, then I know that I can face with dignity and hope, whatever life challenges me with. I know that I have something to offer others whatever shape I'm in.