How would you answer the question – “How real are you?” or, “Are you for real?”
I live in a beautiful, sunburnt country, Australia and we Aussies are often described as being able to smell “bull” a mile away (I’m being polite!). We know when someone is “putting on an act” and not being real. While this makes life very uncomfortable for any politician in our country, it hasn’t been a bad trait to have. I think it’s true to say that we’ve all become experts at hiding our real self and what goes on inside of us.
Think about it for a minute. How much of today, have you felt comfortable enough to;
- be able to contribute freely to conversations around you?
- speak about things that really matter to you?
- or tell someone what is going on inside of you?
We all know that there are times when it is best not to share what’s going on inside – when it’s not a safe environment to do so, or when you have other responsibilities that you need to fulfil. (We’ve all come across people who don’t have very good “filters” and they tell everybody everything about their lives – appropriate or not! This isn’t a healthy way to live.) There is a time and a place for everything.
But the question all of us need to answer is: How much of your life is spent hiding behind a facade that protects your real self – all of your thoughts, feelings, etc. And how often do you allow others to see the real you? How real are you?
I can’t stress enough that there are times when “being totally real” could be a bad idea as those around you may not understand where you are coming from and hurt you with their glib, unthinking responses.
But having said this, we do need to stop periodically and ask ourselves how we’re going below the surface. Are we living life the way we long to? Do we share a deeper part of our life with those we trust? Some people are good at re-evaluating their lives and where they are at. For others, not so much.
For example, how would you go answering the following questions:
- How much of today were you able to speak your mind freely or did you find yourself having to suppress what you really thought?
- When was the last time that you were in touch with your feelings?
- How would you describe what you are feeling right now? Happy; sad; frustrated; overwhelmed; uncertain; tired….
- What would your life look like if you were living a life you loved?
My intention isn’t to frustrate you by asking these questions, but it is to help you to get in touch with your inner self.
We all have responsibilities that need to be met to be able to live – work to bring in a wage; care for our families; prepare meals; etc. But how different would your life look if you were doing these things being more in touch with your real self?
Often, it isn’t our intention to bury our true selves deep inside. We’ve had to do it to be safe; to ensure that people can’t hurt us. But, at what cost?
My life isn’t what I thought it would be. I have lived with a chronic illness for almost 30 years. I often try to hide what I’m feeling from others so that I don’t have to live with their reaction to it. Sometimes, that is a conscious choice – I feel too tired and weak to talk about it. But other times, I do it because it’s automatic – it’s what I’m used to doing.
Occasionally, I like to look at my life from a different perspective, to help me to see more clearly and not become stagnant or stuck.
Do you remember those Magic Eye Illusions, or stereo-grams – where you look at the image and make your eyes go slightly unfocused so that you can see the picture inside the picture? Sometimes I think life is like that. We need to look at what is behind the surface image to see what’s going on.
Reflecting on other people’s experiences and thoughts is one tool that challenges me about how I want to live my life.
Below are a few quotes that I found helpful to reflect on. As you read them think about how they speak to you and how they might help you be real.
“Whatever you are, be a good one.” Abraham Lincoln.
“Don’t complain about things you’re not willing to change.” Curiano.com
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Victor Frankl
“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” Stephen Covey
“Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited of what could go right.” Tony Robbins
These certainly make me think about how I’m living my life. I want to love this life I have and keep on becoming the best I can be. How about you?