I came across a fantastic quote on Pinterest the other day which really resonated with me. 

“If you rearrange the letters in Depression you get “I pressed on” –

meaning your current situation is not your final destination.”

 (from The Wellness Way – Rockford)

If you’ve experienced depression in your life, I’m sure you’ve discovered at some time or another that it’s not simple to “press on” when you are feeling down.  Life seems to have a grey tinge to it all and your focus is firmly stuck on yourself.  No-one understands what life is like for you – or at least that’s how it feels.

It may “feel like” one of the hardest things you could do, but actually pressing on, one step at a time, towards a goal that is meaningful to you, will be an enormous help in moving out of the dark fog to a life that you can love. 

I don’t say these words lightly.  I know it’s hard to shift your focus when you are stuck in a depressed state.  But I also know that when I feel like this, I long to be able to find something that will give me a purpose and to start moving towards it.

Here’s a list of 5 things you can do to help you to move forward:

1. Set yourself a “mini” goal – something you want to do but haven’t been able to while your feelings have been in control of your life.A mini goal is just that – something small, but something you can say “well done” to yourself for doing it.  For example:

1. • go for a walk – if you’re up to walking around the block, do that – but if that feels too much, then just go for a 5 to10 minute walk around your home & backyard.

• • go to Headspace.com and do a short meditation. It’s free to try it out, so go on line and choose a meditation to do now.  Commit yourself to doing one each day.

• • Spend 5 to10 minutes brainstorming ideas of things you would really love to do. This is brainstorming, so just write down a list of the ideas that come into your head.

These are just a few ideas to get you started.  You can probably think of many more.

2. Speak to someone that you know will listen to and help you…someone that has your best in mind. This may be a friend; a family member; or a Counsellor. 

If you’d rather speak to someone that you won’t be running into every day, then a Counsellor is the best person.  Being able to open up to someone and share what you’re feeling and thinking, is the best place to start bringing about change in your life.  

3. Ask someone close to you to help keep you accountable. Sometimes this may be checking in on you a couple of times a week and asking how you’re going.  Ask this person to make sure that you answer the question without just brushing it off! 

I don’t know about you, but I’m an expert at saying “I’m okay, thanks” and doing what I can to move the conversation on – away from me! 

But we do need to have those people who will ask the question again “so how are you really?” and wait until you tell the truth about your world.

4. On a day when you are able to think clearly – brainstorm something that you would love to do that will take some planning. It might be something you’d like to do for somebody else; a place you’d like to go to; an experience you’d love to try. 

When you have an idea, draw up a plan outlining every step you need to take to achieve it.  Then next to each step, write a date that you will do it by. 

The most important thing here is to be realistic.  Some of the tasks may be bigger than others and take more time.  You may need to break these tasks down even further, so that it is reasonable for you to achieve each step in one go. 

5. If your depression is ongoing, you would be wise to go and speak to a health professional and discuss whether you may need to try medication to help to regulate it. Find a Doctor that you trust and can open up to. 

These steps may seem insignificant to some, but to others they may seem like a mountain to climb while they battle depression. 

One of the most important things that I have learned in my life is that I need to have a focus outside of myself.

If all that I am focussing on is myself then I find my life becomes meaningless.  But when I have something to focus on outside of myself – by helping somebody; learning new skills that may help me and others in the future; by loving others – then my life seems so much bigger and clearer. 

So, what is it you want to press on to?  Where would you like to see yourself in a week, month, a year or ten years’ time?   You can reach it by taking one step at a time… 

Short-tempered and sharp with my words:  Sometimes, I’m not even aware that I’m stuck, but I do notice that I’m being very “short” with people in certain situations.  I “DON’T WANT TO” do whatever I have to do. 

When I  look behind at  those situations, I can see that I'm stuck, and I’m resentful of the position that I find myself in.  It can be as simple as not wanting to do what someone else expects me to do and yet feeling powerless to say so to the other person.

Here are seven things to do when you find that you are stuck and you don't know how to change things:

1. Name what is happening for you in these moments I'm getting mad at work.  Or, I really hate having to……!   Or, I get so frustrated whenever someone comes around and… Whatever it is for you, name the feeling and/or the situation that is triggering this response from you.

2.  Ask yourself some questions:  

• Am I really stuck or is there something I can do about…..?
• What’s stopping me from moving forward in this situation?  Is there more than one thing?
• Are these feelings from the past or are they relevant from where I am now?

3.  If you can’t do anything about your situation straight away… make a commitment to yourself to work on it as soon as you are able to.  It's not always possible to just walk out in some situations, (eg at work – you might lose your job and your wage!).  So, if it’s appropriate, stay where you are, but develop a plan to do something about it.  As soon as possible go for a short walk, or do some exercise – it’s amazing how this can help us.  It doesn’t get rid of the problem, but it helps us to cope with it better.

4.  Talk to someone you trust:  Sometimes the best thing we can do is talk over the situation with someone that you know will listen to you and be honest with you.  Tell them how you’re feeling and what you think the situation is.  Ask them for their perspective and if they see it differently or can offer any insights that might help you.

(It’s amazing that when you aren’t the one going through a situation, how clearly they can see what's going on.   They don’t have the weight of the feelings that you’re carrying which get in the way of you being objective.) 

5.  Talk to a Counsellor / Psychologist  If you find yourself in situations where you're stuck on a regular basis, then it's time to get some professional help.  Friends are great to “bounce off of”, but if you want to get to the bottom of what is happening and develop a clear strategy of what to do when you find yourself stuck again, a counsellor, or psychologist is the best answer. 

If you haven’t seen one before, maybe check with your Doctor as to who they recommend.  Or seek out various practices near your home and see if they have a website and reviews, etc.  Or maybe ask your friends if they’ve found someone that they would recommend?  There are lots of options. 

Remember, though – if you don’t find the first person you go to helpful – if they’re not the right fit for you, – that’s okay.  Don’t give up, try someone else.

6.  Write down your action plan.  Write down the steps that you take to help you to move from being stuck to being able to make clear, helpful choices.  If you’re anything like me, you may find that you need to use this plan in several different areas of your life.  Having it written down in point form, with some of your reflections about the feelings and the situation, may help you in the future. 

Of course, some situations are bigger than others.  Be patient with yourself and acknowledge that you want to make changes and that it’s okay to ask for others to help you.

7. Give yourself a pat on the back…or whatever you do to celebrate the wins in your life. Being stuck is an incredibly uncomfortable place to be, especially when you feel like you are powerless to bring about change.  So, celebrate the work you've done and the choices you have made.

Well done!

We’re over halfway through the year and Christmas is coming.  And we all know what that means, don’t we?  …. Time will literally fly by until Christmas is here.  So, what would you like to achieve before Christmas?

It’s a fact isn’t it, that things tend to get a bit crazier as we get busier in the lead up to December – it’s the end of another year and we need to manage all the commitments around Christmas and New Year. 

So, it’s worth asking now – almost five months out, what would you like to see yourself achieve before Christmas? 

You see we can make choices about what we do and don’t do.  We can decide what we want to be our focus between now and the end of the year.  We can set ourselves goals to work towards during this time.

The truth is though, if we don’t make choices about how we use our time, it just “flies away”!  Sometimes we waste it doing unimportant things or we do everything for everyone else, but don’t do the things that are important to us.

Maybe it’s about getting better prepared for Christmas or the holidays; or maybe there’s a personal goal that you’ve secretly dreamed of completing for years; or something that you know would mean a great deal to someone else.  Is there a relationship you’d like to develop further or people you’d like to spend more time with?

So, sit down; grab a pen and paper; or use your laptop or phone and jot down some of the things that you would really like to focus on for the next five months.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What would I like to know that I’ve done when I get to the end of this year?
• What is something that I would really like to achieve this year?
  • Is there something that’s been in the back of my mind that I’d like to do, but I haven’t given it space?
    • What is it? Write it down.  Think about it.  Is this something you’d feel good about having completed when you are at the end of the year?  Think about what it would feel like.
  • Is there something I haven’t given myself permission to do, but I would really love to do it? Is now a good time to investigate it and go about achieving it?  Why wouldn’t it be a good time?
• What is important to you and your family right now? Is there something you can do to help you and your family move forward in this area? 

Once you’ve got an idea of what you’d like to achieve before Christmas, write a detailed list of the things that you are going to need to do to achieve this goal.

Next, write down when you are going to need to achieve each step by, to be able to complete your goal on time.  It’s important to be realistic about the timing.  You want to achieve this and so you need to set achievable, realistic goals.

Maybe at this point of time, you realize that it’s not possible to achieve this before Christmas.  (That’s okay, as long as you’re being realistic about it and not just “giving up” because it’s too hard.)  Maybe it might take a bit longer, just make sure that you set realistic steps and plan out when you will complete your goal. 

At this point it’s great to be able to tell someone close to you what you’re going to work towards.  Ask them if they’re willing to give their encouragement and support to help you achieve this and outline what it might look like.  Having someone else who knows what you’re trying to achieve helps to keep you motivated and accountable.

Of course, every goal that you set needs to be adjusted at times, and that’s okay, but ensure that you make choices about it and don’t just give in to other, competing demands without evaluating the best path to take from here.

Finally, as you work toward your goal, imagine what it’s going to feel like knowing you’ve achieved it!  Each time you feel like giving up, remember this, and use it to motivate you to keep on going.

Are some of your relationships suffering because you haven’t taken the time to listen?  Maybe it’s time to listen up!  While we’re at it – how would you define Active Listening? 

Life is so busy and constant that it’s easy to let our relationships with those closest to us slip down the list of priorities.  Is that what you want?

No, of course not.  But often we are trapped in habits that are so deeply ingrained that we aren’t even aware of what’s going on until it’s almost too late!

Do you come home and just “want some space”? 

Do you find yourself sitting in front of the television, with your phone or iPad on your lap, mostly unaware of who else is in the room?

Do you answer text messages or phone calls straight away, even if you are sitting talking to someone else?

Do you ever have time when you don’t have your mobile phone or tablet/iPad with you?

Some of you might be feeling a bit nervous at this point.  “Go without my phone – no way!!”

I was panicking today when I thought I’d lost my phone for about 30 minutes.  I couldn’t find it anywhere.  All the information I had stored on it.  I couldn’t even remember any phone numbers to call!

It’s scary, isn’t it, how attached we’ve become to these devices that are supposed to make our lives easier!  Well, it’s about time we questioned whether they really do.

Can you remember the last time you had a conversation with someone that wasn’t interrupted by a phone call or message?

Our phones & computers (of all shapes and sizes) have started to control our lives.  Why?  Because we’ve allowed them to.

We choose to allow our electronic devices to control us.

Do you believe that?  I mean, who says you must answer that text message or phone call straight away.  (Sure, there are always times when we need to acknowledge the urgency of some situations, but they are usually rare for most of us!)

Can you imagine what would happen to your relationships if you chose to focus on and listen to, the person you were with?

You can do this!  Your friends and family would soon notice that you do listen and pay attention when you are with them.  How do you manage this?   By answering any messages/call when you’re alone.

My husband and I were given some great advice when we had young children.  When we both got home from work, we were to make time to sit and listen to each other about what happened in our days.

The kids could be playing around us.  Tea may not have even been started.  But, this time was to be a priority!

We have continued to do this right through our married life.  Sometimes it hasn’t been easy to do, but, it has helped our relationship immensely.  We have chosen to invest in our relationship by listening to each other.

There’s no doubt that sometimes we do this better than others.  But the fact that we know it is something we’re committed to, makes it easier to forgive the times when we haven’t.

So, how would I define active listening?  To start with, it means letting go of the things that will stop us from listening.  The things that will easily distract us – like our mobile phones, etc.

Active listening, among other things, means to choose to listen without allowing distractions to interfere.

Will you choose to actively listen to those around you?

…or your body will slow down for you!

Do you ever have days where you feel like you’ve been running at full speed all day long?  You get to the end of the day and wonder where it’s gone!  You haven’t even had time to think about how you might slow down…

Lately, I find myself living like this too often.  Not only am I running around trying to do too many things, but my mind seems to race ahead to what I MUST get done.  Or sometimes I’m thinking about what might happen to me today or even reliving what happened last week!

Basically, I’m not present in the moment at all.  I’m worrying about the future or reflecting on the past – and it’s exhausting!  In this frame of mind by the time I get to the end of the day, I’m ready to collapse on the nearest couch, curl up and go to sleep!  Sometimes, that isn’t simple either with a racing mind…

The scary part of all this is when I look back on my day, I can’t even remember some parts of it – like sections of the drive to work!  Does this happen to you?

So, how do we live in the present?  How do we leave the worries of the past behind and not race ahead to “what might happen” in the future and live in the here and now?

There are some tell-tale signs that show me I’m going too fast – especially in my head!  Sometimes, I feel a bit out of breath and my stomach is churning because I’m trying to get on top of everything mentally and physically.  The tell-tale sign for me is that my shoulders become tense and end up a lot closer to my ears than they should be!

But this sign is extremely helpful!  When I feel that tension, I know I need to stop, physically drop my shoulders and relax.  I need to make the choice to relax and focus on the here and now.  Physically dropping my shoulders and taking a couple of deep breathes is a good start to bringing me back to the present.

I know others say to stop, take five deep breathes in and out slowly while focusing on one thing – whether it’s the rise and fall of your chest or your shoulders, just concentrate on that one thing.

I find Psychologist, Abraham Maslow’s quote a bit scary:

“The ability to be in the present moment, is a major component of mental wellness”.

If this is true, and I think it is, I might need a few mental health days – or weeks!!

What about you?  How’s your mental health?  It’s not really something we’re usually asked, is it?  But it’s vitally important to our overall health – mentally, spiritually and physically.

It doesn’t take long for the body to intervene when we keep on going at a frenetic rate without time for rest.  It will force us to slow down through sickness if we don’t care for ourselves.

Below are a few useful resources that I’ve found helpful when I need to help myself to slow down. (I only ever recommend sites/resources that I have used and loved!)

1. The Elf Help series of books are a wonderful reminder of what’s important. Each book has a series of illustrations and sayings/advice to help.  (There’s even one called “One Day at A Time Therapy”).  They are delightful and always bring a smile to my face and bring me back to the present.  Here’s a link to the home page:  http://www.elf-help.com/index.htm

2. There are several great internet sites that help you with meditation – another great way to bring you back to the here and now. Headspace is one that I’ve used and can recommend.  Check it out at: https://www.headspace.com/

3. As I mentioned in the blog, doing some breathing exercises are helpful.
   • Breathe in slowly through your nose,
   • hold your breath for a couple of seconds and
   • then exhale slowly through your mouth.
   • Repeat a couple of times.

4. Go for a walk and look around at nature. Head out for a walk and make yourself take notice at everything around you – the sounds; trees; flowers; etc.  Connect again with the world around you and allow yourself to walk gently – not racing around.

5. Have reminders on your phone wallpaper that will help you to stop whatever you’re doing and connect with the present moment. (I’m often changing mine to relate to whatever I need to remember to keep me present!)

6. Get the Loving Your Life reminder sheet to help you “Slow Down & Love Your Life Reminders” delivered straight to your email.  It includes a list of things you can do to slow you down.  Just fill in the details below.

What do you do to help you slow down?  Please share in the comments section.  I’d love to add your ideas to our resources.