Short-tempered and sharp with my words:  Sometimes, I’m not even aware that I’m stuck, but I do notice that I’m being very “short” with people in certain situations.  I “DON’T WANT TO” do whatever I have to do. 

When I  look behind at  those situations, I can see that I’m stuck, and I’m resentful of the position that I find myself in.  It can be as simple as not wanting to do what someone else expects me to do and yet feeling powerless to say so to the other person.

Here are seven things to do when you find that you are stuck and you don’t know how to change things:

1. Name what is happening for you in these moments I’m getting mad at work.  Or, I really hate having to……!   Or, I get so frustrated whenever someone comes around and… Whatever it is for you, name the feeling and/or the situation that is triggering this response from you.

2.  Ask yourself some questions:  

• Am I really stuck or is there something I can do about…..?
• What’s stopping me from moving forward in this situation?  Is there more than one thing?
• Are these feelings from the past or are they relevant from where I am now?

3.  If you can’t do anything about your situation straight away… make a commitment to yourself to work on it as soon as you are able to.  It’s not always possible to just walk out in some situations, (eg at work – you might lose your job and your wage!).  So, if it’s appropriate, stay where you are, but develop a plan to do something about it.  As soon as possible go for a short walk, or do some exercise – it’s amazing how this can help us.  It doesn’t get rid of the problem, but it helps us to cope with it better.

4.  Talk to someone you trust:  Sometimes the best thing we can do is talk over the situation with someone that you know will listen to you and be honest with you.  Tell them how you’re feeling and what you think the situation is.  Ask them for their perspective and if they see it differently or can offer any insights that might help you.

(It’s amazing that when you aren’t the one going through a situation, how clearly they can see what’s going on.   They don’t have the weight of the feelings that you’re carrying which get in the way of you being objective.) 

5.  Talk to a Counsellor / Psychologist  If you find yourself in situations where you’re stuck on a regular basis, then it’s time to get some professional help.  Friends are great to “bounce off of”, but if you want to get to the bottom of what is happening and develop a clear strategy of what to do when you find yourself stuck again, a counsellor, or psychologist is the best answer. 

If you haven’t seen one before, maybe check with your Doctor as to who they recommend.  Or seek out various practices near your home and see if they have a website and reviews, etc.  Or maybe ask your friends if they’ve found someone that they would recommend?  There are lots of options. 

Remember, though – if you don’t find the first person you go to helpful – if they’re not the right fit for you, – that’s okay.  Don’t give up, try someone else.

6.  Write down your action plan.  Write down the steps that you take to help you to move from being stuck to being able to make clear, helpful choices.  If you’re anything like me, you may find that you need to use this plan in several different areas of your life.  Having it written down in point form, with some of your reflections about the feelings and the situation, may help you in the future. 

Of course, some situations are bigger than others.  Be patient with yourself and acknowledge that you want to make changes and that it’s okay to ask for others to help you.

7. Give yourself a pat on the back…or whatever you do to celebrate the wins in your life. Being stuck is an incredibly uncomfortable place to be, especially when you feel like you are powerless to bring about change.  So, celebrate the work you’ve done and the choices you have made.

Well done!

We’re over halfway through the year and Christmas is coming.  And we all know what that means, don’t we?  …. Time will literally fly by until Christmas is here.  So, what would you like to achieve before Christmas?

It’s a fact isn’t it, that things tend to get a bit crazier as we get busier in the lead up to December – it’s the end of another year and we need to manage all the commitments around Christmas and New Year. 

So, it’s worth asking now – almost five months out, what would you like to see yourself achieve before Christmas? 

You see we can make choices about what we do and don’t do.  We can decide what we want to be our focus between now and the end of the year.  We can set ourselves goals to work towards during this time.

The truth is though, if we don’t make choices about how we use our time, it just “flies away”!  Sometimes we waste it doing unimportant things or we do everything for everyone else, but don’t do the things that are important to us.

Maybe it’s about getting better prepared for Christmas or the holidays; or maybe there’s a personal goal that you’ve secretly dreamed of completing for years; or something that you know would mean a great deal to someone else.  Is there a relationship you’d like to develop further or people you’d like to spend more time with?

So, sit down; grab a pen and paper; or use your laptop or phone and jot down some of the things that you would really like to focus on for the next five months.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What would I like to know that I’ve done when I get to the end of this year?
• What is something that I would really like to achieve this year?
  • Is there something that’s been in the back of my mind that I’d like to do, but I haven’t given it space?
    • What is it? Write it down.  Think about it.  Is this something you’d feel good about having completed when you are at the end of the year?  Think about what it would feel like.
  • Is there something I haven’t given myself permission to do, but I would really love to do it? Is now a good time to investigate it and go about achieving it?  Why wouldn’t it be a good time?
• What is important to you and your family right now? Is there something you can do to help you and your family move forward in this area? 

Once you’ve got an idea of what you’d like to achieve before Christmas, write a detailed list of the things that you are going to need to do to achieve this goal.

Next, write down when you are going to need to achieve each step by, to be able to complete your goal on time.  It’s important to be realistic about the timing.  You want to achieve this and so you need to set achievable, realistic goals.

Maybe at this point of time, you realize that it’s not possible to achieve this before Christmas.  (That’s okay, as long as you’re being realistic about it and not just “giving up” because it’s too hard.)  Maybe it might take a bit longer, just make sure that you set realistic steps and plan out when you will complete your goal. 

At this point it’s great to be able to tell someone close to you what you’re going to work towards.  Ask them if they’re willing to give their encouragement and support to help you achieve this and outline what it might look like.  Having someone else who knows what you’re trying to achieve helps to keep you motivated and accountable.

Of course, every goal that you set needs to be adjusted at times, and that’s okay, but ensure that you make choices about it and don’t just give in to other, competing demands without evaluating the best path to take from here.

Finally, as you work toward your goal, imagine what it’s going to feel like knowing you’ve achieved it!  Each time you feel like giving up, remember this, and use it to motivate you to keep on going.

Are some of your relationships suffering because you haven’t taken the time to listen?  Maybe it’s time to listen up!  While we’re at it – how would you define Active Listening? 

Life is so busy and constant that it’s easy to let our relationships with those closest to us slip down the list of priorities.  Is that what you want?

No, of course not.  But often we are trapped in habits that are so deeply ingrained that we aren’t even aware of what’s going on until it’s almost too late!

Do you come home and just “want some space”? 

Do you find yourself sitting in front of the television, with your phone or iPad on your lap, mostly unaware of who else is in the room?

Do you answer text messages or phone calls straight away, even if you are sitting talking to someone else?

Do you ever have time when you don’t have your mobile phone or tablet/iPad with you?

Some of you might be feeling a bit nervous at this point.  “Go without my phone – no way!!”

I was panicking today when I thought I’d lost my phone for about 30 minutes.  I couldn’t find it anywhere.  All the information I had stored on it.  I couldn’t even remember any phone numbers to call!

It’s scary, isn’t it, how attached we’ve become to these devices that are supposed to make our lives easier!  Well, it’s about time we questioned whether they really do.

Can you remember the last time you had a conversation with someone that wasn’t interrupted by a phone call or message?

Our phones & computers (of all shapes and sizes) have started to control our lives.  Why?  Because we’ve allowed them to.

We choose to allow our electronic devices to control us.

Do you believe that?  I mean, who says you must answer that text message or phone call straight away.  (Sure, there are always times when we need to acknowledge the urgency of some situations, but they are usually rare for most of us!)

Can you imagine what would happen to your relationships if you chose to focus on and listen to, the person you were with?

You can do this!  Your friends and family would soon notice that you do listen and pay attention when you are with them.  How do you manage this?   By answering any messages/call when you’re alone.

My husband and I were given some great advice when we had young children.  When we both got home from work, we were to make time to sit and listen to each other about what happened in our days.

The kids could be playing around us.  Tea may not have even been started.  But, this time was to be a priority!

We have continued to do this right through our married life.  Sometimes it hasn’t been easy to do, but, it has helped our relationship immensely.  We have chosen to invest in our relationship by listening to each other.

There’s no doubt that sometimes we do this better than others.  But the fact that we know it is something we’re committed to, makes it easier to forgive the times when we haven’t.

So, how would I define active listening?  To start with, it means letting go of the things that will stop us from listening.  The things that will easily distract us – like our mobile phones, etc.

Active listening, among other things, means to choose to listen without allowing distractions to interfere.

Will you choose to actively listen to those around you?