Bron, Author at Loving This Life

MY CHRONIC ILLNESS: 5 THINGS I WISH OTHERS KNEW

by Bron | Nov 11, 2019 | Living with Fibromyalgia

Do you wish that your family and friends knew more about your chronic illness and how it affects your life? I do!

The truth is, they see the results of chronic illness in my behaviour; through my interactions with them and the emotions that invariably come to the surface.

What they see though, doesn’t show the whole picture of what I’m feeling internally; what I try to hide from others; and the energy spent trying to “push through” and live as normal a life as possible.

5 things that I wish others took the time to understand:

1. I CAN’T ALWAYS TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT I’M FEELING / MY WORDS DON’T ALWAYS GIVE THE WHOLE PICTURE OF MY CHRONIC ILLNESS: This evening as I was sharing some of my day with my husband, he reflected back to me: “do you know that you’ve said at least six times how very tired you are?” It wasn’t a criticism; he was just mirroring back to me what he was seeing and hearing.

When I stopped and thought about what I was trying to convey – it was true I was tired, but I was mostly overwhelmed because all afternoon I couldn’t get my head around what I was trying to do. Each time I thought I had a handle on it, the thoughts would disappear, and I’d find it almost impossible to pick it up again.

It’s called brain fog and it is one of the most annoying and debilitating symptoms of my Fibromyalgia. I found this article helpful to describe brain fog: Brain Fog and Fibromyalgia

I find it one of the scariest. My mother passed away two months ago. The last eight years of her life were lived with dementia – a truly horrible illness.

When I’m in the midst of brain fog and I can’t hold my thoughts together, I often fear where I’m headed and whether dementia is a part of my future, too.

(This isn’t based on medical research or anything like it, but I’m sure if you’ve experienced brain fog, you’ve possibly wondered, like me, whether you’re losing a part of your mind.)

2. EVEN THOUGH I CAN’T COME TO LOTS OF PARTIES OR OUTINGS, I STILL APPRECIATE BEING ASKED: It’s a horrible feeling to feel like you’re left out of everything and that people don’t even think about including you in things. Okay, it may be true, I may not be able to do 90% of activities, and I say “no” more than “yes” when asked, but I do try and work out what I can and can’t do. Every week is a carefully juggled programme. For example, if I’m working… I know I can’t go out at night. Or if I do, that it will wipe me out physically for the next couple of days. For others this may be different. You may be able to do more or less than me. We’re all unique and I’ve learnt to be thankful for what I can do.

3. I GREATLY APPRECIATE HAVING PEOPLE STAY IN TOUCH THROUGH A VARIETY OF WAYS: I absolutely love receiving gifts from others. It doesn’t have to be an actual present, it could just be a note or a phone call from a friend, saying that they’re thinking of me and go on to share something special about our friendship. This means the world to me.

It brings a ray of hope into my day…that I haven’t been forgotten even though I’m not physically present at events.

4. WORDS DON’T EXPRESS WHAT FIBROMYALGIA FEELS LIKE FOR ME: I’ve tried different analogies over the years to explain how it feels to live with Fibromyalgia, but this isn’t easy to do, as each day can be very different.

Some days, I just can’t get moving. My Fibromyalgia is more about fatigue with muscle aching. I don’t have the severe pain that others do. The fatigue is bad enough.

Every day I get up and start with a shower. By the time I’ve had a shower, got dressed, put my make-up on and done my hair – I am exhausted. I honestly feel like I could go back to bed. Oh, and I truly wish, I could wake up one morning feeling just a little bit refreshed from sleep. But that disappeared a long time ago.

So, the start of each day isn’t very positive. I just hope that my body will loosen up a little and start moving without me having to think through every movement.

5. I DON’T WANT SYMPATHY: I try not to be rude to people who don’t know me, but I really hate sympathy. It often comes in one or two forms. “Oh, I’m so sorry. How ever do you manage?”. Or “Oh, I knew someone who had…such and such an illness. They had no end of trouble, etc, etc, etc.”

It really doesn’t help to hear from someone else about others struggles with illness. I don’t feel like they are present with me and want to hear about my life. It feels like they just want to “dump” some useful information they know about someone else.

I truly value having others share their own stories with me, that’s not the problem. In fact, that’s usually a joy and are special moments in time.

But when others are trying to match up symptoms with people, etc, it usually ends up being exhausting as you listen to stories of people you don’t know and who aren’t present.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.

I know that often people share these things with the best of intentions – to try and connect, but unfortunately, sympathy doesn’t help.

Empathy is another thing all together. Having others want to know what life is like and spend time to actively listen to my world, is very precious.

Sometimes, it’s just easier to stay quiet, to listen outwardly, but inwardly withdraw. It takes energy to keep everything inside, when you long for others to understand. It also takes a lot of energy to try and share your life with others.

Finally:

Over the years I’ve developed friendships where I can share what is going on for me and this is where I know it’s safe for me to tell them what my life is currently like with Fibromyalgia. I also enjoy doing the same for them – giving them my space and time to share their world.

These five things that I wish others understood about my life has developed over a long period of time (I’ve had Fibromyalgia for over 20 years.). You may find this blog helpful: Fibromyalgia – what you need to know!

Complaining about my life gets me no-where, and that wasn’t my intention here. I hope that by sharing these things others might be able to articulate what they need in their life to help them move forward. If we can’t find the words to tell others, we can’t expect them to understand.

Sometimes, when you’re with someone close to you who wants to understand, just starting the conversation about what your world is like, means that together you can discover the words to describe it. It’s a special gift to have friends who help you find clarity about your own life. It also takes courage.

There’s a wonderful quote by Theodore Roosevelt that I love.

“Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don’t have the strength”

Send me Bron's article on living with Fibromyalgia

What can you do to Save The Environment?

by Bron | Oct 15, 2019 | Improving Your Life

How will we save the environment? The problem is real. We don’t need to go very far to see it, but the big question is “what can you do about it?”

I’m not saying that it’s all your problem and you alone have to fix it, but the truth is that every one of us needs to be accountable for the way we live our lives. Are we a part of the problem in the way we live?

We have to be honest with ourselves. As an individual on planet earth, we have the responsibility to maintain a lifestyle that does the least damage to our planet.

Where are you in the climate change / save the environment debates? Your voice matters.

Do you:

Let all the talk about climate change and the environment wash over you? Put it in the too hard basket to do anything about. What can I do to change anything?
Feel uncomfortable about the current state of the environment but feel powerless to do anything about it?
Get angry and frustrated when you see big companies abusing the planet with their pollution, etc or taking all our natural resources and making loads of money from it? They’re the ones who need to do something. I can’t change anything.
Know that it’s time for you to do something but have no idea where to start.
Already have an active plan for limiting your footprint on the planet and are working hard to explain to others what they can do?
Or do you have your own, very unique category that you fit into?

In looking at Loving This Life and thinking about what I want it to stand for, I realized that as a part of loving this life we need to care for the planet that provides us with all we need to survive!

So, you will find more information, resources and ideas to start discussion and raise awareness of what we can do to save the environment. We’ll also point you to some products that we think are worth trying to help to you to minimize your footprint.

START SIMPLY OR SIMPLY START TO SAVE THE PLANET

Do you let all the talk about “saving the environment” or doing something about “climate change” just wash over you and brush it off into the too hard basket?

From time to time you will find Affiliate links on our site. These link to products that we like and recommend. We do get a small commission from the seller if you click on this and buy, but this doesn’t affect your sale price at all. Read more in our Disclaimer at the bottom of the page.

I know I have for too long. I’ve tried over the years to “do my bit” but the truth is we’re all going to have to work harder to help our planet survive.

I live in Australia where one of our greatest national treasures, the great barrier reef, is under threat. Many of our treasured species are under threat of being endangered – e.g. the koala. Check it out here: https://www.wwf.org.au/what-we-do/species/koala#gs.9hhvn3

So, where do we start to make a difference?

I’m no expert, but these are some of the things that I’ve done to get started…

1. Collect all the plastic packaging we use in a week and take it back to my supermarket where they have large bins to recycle plastic.
2. Stop using plastic bags while shopping. It takes some getting used to – remembering to take your shopping bags with you, but it’s worth it. There are numerous bags when you stop and think about it. Bags to carry all your shopping; bags to put your produce into (instead of using their plastic bags); bags to carry your purchases from general shops (clothing; shoes; etc.) But remember, use up what you already have. If you can’t recycle any plastic bags that you have then use them over and over again.
3. Buy products in bulk. I started buying the double length toilet paper and buy this in bulk. It saves on some of the plastic they wrap them in.
4. Stop buying water in plastic bottles. Buy a couple of environmentally friendly water bottles and refill these from your tap. I have several. One next to me when sleeping, working, etc. and a smaller one to fit in my bag while walking around.
5. Invest in a good travel mug for your tea and coffee and use this instead of the disposable mugs.
6. Check out the plastic containers you use for storage, etc. – again, don’t throw them out and buy more environmentally friendly ones. But, when you need to get new ones, why not replace them with long lasting products that don’t harm the planet.
7. I’ve stopped buying face wipes to cleanse my face. I got into the habit of using one of these every day without thinking how much this adds up to! Instead just use a cleanser with water or, like me, you can invest in something like Face halo makeup removers. They’re not cheap, but you can use them over and over again as they can be washed in your washing machine.

These are all pretty obvious things that we still have to choose to do. What do you do to save the environment? I love to hear what others do to save the planet and am inspired to try these ideas as well.

Let’s share any ideas you have or what you already do in the comment section. Your ideas will help others to find ways to reduce waste. It’s a great way to work together and encourage each other to do our best to protect our environment.

Do You Want to Know the Truth About Your Life?

by Bron | Jul 3, 2019 | Improving Your Life, Living with Fibromyalgia

I am very thankful that life is so much more than what I expect it to be.

The truth about my life though, is that I often limit it to what I think I can handle in any moment. My limitations include having a chronic illness which results in fatigue, pain and brain fog. All good reasons to slow down and take life easy.

But I’m realizing more and more that without these limitations, I probably wouldn’t be where I am right now. I have to say that I love my life and where it’s headed. It’s scary, but it’s exciting and life-giving.

What about you? What is the truth about your life right now? Are you stuck somewhere, or are you moving forward into a future you want, one step at a time? Wherever you are, remember that you can make choices about your life. In fact, you are the only one who can.

I have had times in my life when I’ve allowed myself to be frustrated by various limitations that stifle me and stop me from doing what I want to do. But when I stop and look at the things that are holding me up, they often prove to be opportunities for me to grow and ultimately help me to move into a future that I love.

One of the tools that I find so helpful when I’m in this space, is to read others’ words about life and their perspective on how to live it. We need to be careful who we listen to, but when you see these words coming from a life that hasn’t been easy; that has had challenges to overcome and yet they’ve encouraged and helped so many people, I know that’s a life I want to understand.

I love these quotes that pop up on Social Media that ask questions about who you are and why you do the things that you do. They make me stop and think about where I’m headed and where do I want to be down the track. I’ve chosen ten quotes that speak to me. Take some time to reflect on these words, from some very wise people who have certainly lived a challenging life and yet overcame so much.

TEN QUOTES TO REFLECT ON:

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” Nelson Mandela

“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” Nelson Mandela

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” Mother Teresa.

“We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.” Mother Teresa

“If you judge people you have no time to love them.” Mother Teresa

“A ship is always safe at shore but that is not what it’s built for.” Albert Einstein

“Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.” Albert Einstein

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.” Albert Einstein

“When one door closes another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.” Alexander Graham Bell

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi.

How Can I Set Goals while Living with a Chronic Illness?

by Bron | Jun 11, 2019 | Living with Fibromyalgia

Do you live with a chronic illness and struggle to set goals and – actually achieve them.

Do you get nervous thinking about setting goals and moving forward?

There can be numerous reasons for this, and it might be very different for you and someone else you know with the same chronic illness. But what I do know is that a lot of people struggle with this same issue. So, what might be stopping you from setting goals?

HISTORY: in the past you may have failed any time that you have tried to achieve something. It may have been as simple as going out to a party. You accepted the invitation, worked towards going, but come time to get ready to go, you were exhausted, your body was aching, and you weren’t up to partying.This can leave a lot of unhelpful residue to push through. It’s true that we don’t know what any of us will be like on the day we want to do something. But when you have a history of having to say “no” to things at the last minute because you’re feeling weak and in pain, it puts you off saying “yes” in the first place!
FEELING ON THE EDGE OF THINGS WHEN YOU DO PARTICIPATE: I know for me there have been times when I pushed through and went to a party or something I’d been asked to go to, only to feel like I was on the edge of things. The noise around me echoed in my head which made it even harder to focus on who I was listening to at the time. Others who were the “life of the party” were floating around from person to person having a wonderful time, but I could only watch on and wish I just had a little bit of their energy.
COMPARING MY LIFE TO OTHERS AND COMING UP SHORT: Have you ever wanted to do something and then you see others chasing their dreams and actually achieving them with seemingly endless energy? How are you left feeling? I often end up feeling deflated as I watch on from the sidelines, once again. There was hope for a little while that I might be able to achieve something, but then I’ve looked around at others and seen how they’re really living life and making something of themselves. I’m left feeling like I may as well give up! I don’t have any of their drive and energy to make things happen, so what’s the point? (Don’t give up yet though. We can move forward…)
FEAR OF FAILING: What if I actually do put all my energy into something and end up being no good at it? What if I discover that I’m hopeless at it and everyone laughs at me or thinks I’m crazy for trying? Fear of failing is a huge hurdle for many of us to climb over and let’s be honest, there’s no guarantees about anything. But the important thing is learning more about yourself in the process. These four things can have a powerful hold of our lives if we allow them to. You may even have another point or two to add to the list. Regardless of our past and of our fears, we can move forward in our lives even while living with a chronic illness.

Here are 4 steps you can make to start you off on the process of living a life you love.

The first and most important step you need to work on is being realistic about where you are at in your life right now.

So often, we set ridiculous goals for ourselves out of sheer frustration at being limited in what we can do. But, if you can take a few moments to step back and look at how you are currently and, in the light of this, try to name a few things that you would love to work towards doing, you may find that these goals are achievable for you. It’s true that these goals may not be the “big, exciting things” that you’ve been wanting to do forever but have always felt out of your reach.

Can you see though, that if you can achieve these smaller goals, (which are realistic with the limitations of your chronic illness); you will be able to move forward, a step at a time towards other goals?

The second step is to write down your goal and then work your way backwards listing all the steps you need to take to reach your goal.

It doesn’t matter how small the steps seem to be, write them down. Believe me, you’ll have a lot of enjoyment when you can tick off each step one by one as you complete them. I often do this by brainstorming and writing everything down on a piece of paper in no particular order. Then I try to put it into an order and can start to see things that might be missing. You’ve probably come across the acronym SMART in setting your goals. The acronym stands for:

Specific (who/what/where/when/why)

Measurable (what measure will you use to know you’ve achieved it?)

Achievable (is it achievable for you at present?)

Relevant (is it relevant to you right now?)

Timely (When will it be achieved?) If you work towards making your goal using these things, you will find it much more achievable. I found this article helpful in explaining the SMART acronym: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/smart-goals.htm So, start small, but with something you would like to achieve and set yourself realistic boundaries around it. It’s important to be able to complete this and be happy with your results.

The third step is to undertake each step towards your goal.

As I said previously, enjoy taking the time to tick off each step as you complete it. You have taken another step to achieving this goal. Well done! Don’t downplay the significance of this. As you can move forward step by step towards this goal, belief can start to rise that maybe you can work towards some other goals too. If you find that your time frame wasn’t very realistic, that’s okay, re-work it and start moving forward again. This is a process and it’s not just about reaching your goal. It’s also about learning to set realistic goals and taking one step at a time to achieve them. You may find that you’re better at doing some parts of the goal than others. That’s okay. You’ve learnt something new about yourself. Maybe you can ask someone for some help in this area. Or you can do some research on the internet? (It’s amazing how many You Tube videos there are on just about every subject!)

Finally, when you’ve reached your Goal:

It’s time to celebrate! Well done! How does it feel knowing that you’ve completed your goal? Don’t downplay this. (Sure, it may not have been a huge goal – that wasn’t the point of the exercise. This is about making sure you do achieve a goal. Can you see how important this is for all of us to achieve?) How did you go achieving your goal? What are the things that you learnt about yourself in the process? What are some of the things you want to remember for the next time you work towards a goal? I know this may feel like small steps, but never underestimate the importance of building this foundation slowly and steadily. What would you like to set as your next goal? I’d love to hear how you went with this. Leave a note in the comments section and encourage others to have a go too.

Living with Grief Due to Your Fibromyalgia.

by Bron | May 2, 2019 | Living with Fibromyalgia

Just when you think you’ve started to work out how to live with this massive curve ball in your life called Fibromyalgia, something else comes along that you have to deal with. Its name is grief and it will more than likely have a broad affect across your life.

I share this, not to discourage you, but to help you be prepared and not so knocked around by its effects. I speak as someone who has lived with grief for periods in my life.

“Why grief?” you may ask. Well, in all honesty and bluntness, why not! Think about everything that has changed in your life due to the onset of Fibromyalgia. Every one of us has different symptoms and varying ways to respond to them. But what all Fibromyalgia sufferers have in common is that everyone has had to change living their lives the way they used to due to the pain and/or fatigue that they now experience. For some, the loss is enormous. The pain and/or fatigue cripples you and means that you have to let go of many of the things that were routine in your life before. Going out after work with friends; playing sport; partying; working fulltime; doing fun, exhausting things with your kids; the list of things we can no longer manage is long. Is it any wonder that grief also enters your life? There has been a lot to let go of, to change, and to embrace since your diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. Everyone will find differences in the way the grief emerges. Below is a list of possible times when grief can hit:

When you are diagnosed: It’s normal to have a sense of relief when you have a name to what has been going on in your body. But at the same time, you are told that you will live with this condition for the rest of your life.

When you have to say “no” to doing things: It’s often painful and difficult to have to stop doing so many of the things that have made up your life. As you realize that you can no longer do these things, it’s natural to have grief rise within you. There is an enormous sense of loss for the life that used to be yours.

Living a “reduced” life: It often takes time to discover and adjust to a lifestyle that your body can manage. This time often causes frustration and grief as you recognise this isn’t how you expected to live life.

Realizing you are powerless to change things: One of the hardest things to realize is that you can’t change the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. You can’t change the symptoms that you experience every day. You have to accept them and the limitations that come with them.

All of the above times in a Fibromyalgia person’s life are significant and often painful. Some people find that grief can follow quickly. For others it’s a slower process. Whenever it comes, it’s important to do the following 4 things:

Acknowledge the loss that you’ve experienced.

It is so important to acknowledge what you have been through and how it has left you feeling.

Put into words what is happening for you. Being able to “name” and express the different things that happen in your life is helpful for several reasons: Firstly, to be able to find the words – a name for what is changing in your life. Secondly, having the words is helpful as you try and explain to those close to you what you are feeling, etc. It will help you and them, if you can clearly describe what’s happening for you physically & emotionally. It may take awhile for you to find the words to do this. Journaling each day, even just a little, can help you in this process.

Find someone to talk to and share your feelings with.

This can be someone you’re close to and if you have a partner, you will want to keep them in touch with what’s happening for you. But often, it’s good to have someone that’s a little distant to you, to be able to “offload” to. A counsellor, or mentor would be ideal.

Finally, remember that even with all of the change and limitations, you are still YOU AND YOU HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO CONTRIBUTE TO THIS LIFE.

I know that this can feel impossible. You feel as if you have lost so much due to your illness, but the truth is that you still have so much to do, to be and to offer to others in this life. Your feelings may tell you otherwise, but remember, sometimes your feelings don’t tell you the whole picture. It’s been over 20 years since I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I have found grief to come and go throughout this time. When it hits, speaking with a counsellor has been very helpful and I’ve been surprized how quickly I can move through it. I didn’t always seek this help out quickly in the early years and I regret that, because as a result, it took me longer to work through the feelings and find a balance in my life. The important thing for me, and I believe it’s true for others, is to not let the grief settle and become a part of your day to day life. Seek, and ask for help. There isn’t any sense of failure in doing this. It’s the best thing you can possibly do. The changes that have come into your life are unsettling and you will sometimes need some “outside” help to know how to adjust to your new life. You do have a new life. It may look very different to what you knew before and even what you hoped it to be. But it is your life and you will learn how to live it. Be patient with yourself. You need to give yourself some time and find the help you need to live it effectively. You may be surprized by some of the new, creative things that become a part of your new life.

« Older Entries

Next Entries »