Bron, Author at Loving This Life

7 Ideas to Help You Live in Lockdown

by Bron | Sep 12, 2021 | Improving Your Life

I’m sure you’d agree that saying life has changed in the past 18-24 months is a gross understatement! We’ve all had to learn new ways to help us live in these unusual times.

I was reminded this morning that one of the last things I did that was “truly normal” prior to our first lockdown in Melbourne, Australia, was to go to the theatre with my daughter to see the show “Come From Away “. (By the way the show was fantastic!!)

I can remember walking into the theatre and being overwhelmed by the smell of some sort of antibacterial cleaner. (Little did I realize how normal that smell would become.) But I was also feeling a bit nervous. We had started to see Covid cases appear in Australia, while also seeing the enormity of what was happening overseas, which made us wonder how Covid would emerge here. Coming to a theatre surrounded by people had suddenly made me a bit nervous.

Since then, life has changed enormously. We are in the middle of another prolonged lockdown in Melbourne and although we’re all sick of it, we don’t want to experience the huge spike in covid cases if we were to live normally!

So how do we live in Lockdown? We’ve all been impacted – through being stood down from employment; kids not at school – and unable to catch up with friends, etc.; parents working at home, while trying to supervise children doing online learning. It’s a recipe for chaos isn’t it!

I keep on asking myself how did our parents’, grandparents & great grandparents manage? For the majority there was more land, and it was safer for kids to roam the neighbourhood on their bikes and with their friends.

I asked my subscribers what they have been doing to help occupy themselves and also to care for their friends and family. I’ve listed these and some other ideas that I found that are worth thinking about below. I hope they will help you find something enjoyable to do by yourself, or with your family.

7 ways to help you live a better life during lockdown:

Create a “Lockdown Journal!” to remind you and show others what this time was like. It can be as pretty (if you’re a crafty) or as straightforward as you like! (My daughter created a photobook made up of all the photos from the past year.)
Gardening was a common answer – but people were choosing to try new things that they didn’t usually do, e.g.:
- Growing plants from seeds.
- Planting a herb garden.
- Creating a section of your garden that will intrigue your children and/or grandchildren – a fairy or dinosaur garden; or create things from small rocks. You can paint pots in bright colours; add toys to the garden, etc. The ideas are endless. (Go to Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com and type in kid friendly gardens or kids garden ideas into the search and you’ll be amazed at how many great ideas there are.)
- Stone balancing – like the main picture above – check some out online and you’ll quickly see the challenge in it. (Check out this link: https://www.solidsmack.com/design/stone-balancing-unreal-stone-sculptures-michael-grab/ )

Others have set themselves some goals for each day:
- Do something for someone else each day.
- Go for a walk at least 3 times a week or do some form of exercise each day.
- Read a new book and learn something new.
- Garden for 30 mins a day.

Online Courses has been another way people have used their time in lockdown productively. It’s a good time to try your hand at something you’ve thought about doing, but never had the time. The opportunities for online courses are endless and, to be honest, when you start looking online, it’s easy to get overwhelmed.

I encourage you to check with any of your friends who have done online courses and see what they’ve done. If you know what area you would like to learn more about, ask people who may know what is available. Or search on Pinterest or Udemy for ideas.

Lots of people are having “an evening out – at home!” They dress up, grab a drink, and go to their loungeroom and watch a performance being streamed online.

There are so many alternatives to this idea – use your imagination! To get you started try these suggestions:

Cook a meal from a certain country and get dressed up, as best you can, in that country’s dress.
Learn some new dances online and have an evening of dance in your lounge room.
Watch your favourite movie, just as if you were in a theatre/drive-in. Cook up some popcorn – maybe a choc-top ice cream – or anything else you like.

My husband and I play cribbage – a card game with a wooden board to mark your score – so last lockdown we kept a record of who won each game. We played most days and it certainly added up. Keeping a tally kept us wanting to keep playing. (It’s also a fun thing to do when you find yourself a bit lost during the day!)

You can do this with young kids playing uno, or fish, or teenagers with slightly more challenging games, or with adults. It’s fun knowing you’ll play at a certain time each day and keep a score. It becomes something to look forward to.

Every so often we organise online games with friends or family on zoom. It’s a bit more challenging doing it online, but still a lot of fun.

Did you know you can even do free jigsaws together online? Try: puzzlegarage.com or https://jigsawpuzzles.io/ – there are several around that do free jigsaws. You can challenge yourselves to see who puts in the most pieces, or just do them together while chatting online via zoom or skype.

As you can see, the possibilities are endless. They take a bit of setting up sometimes, but most are pretty easy to organise.

Here’s a bonus tip for you – Yesterday I read an article about what psychologists thought were some of the best things to do during lockdown. While they acknowledged that a lot of us reach for the remote to watch re-runs of our favourite sitcoms and that it isn’t a bad thing, they said that doing things like “singing in the shower” (or anywhere, really) and dancing would do a lot more to improve your mood. So, try turning the music on and singing along; and find a video “dancercise” programme so you can dance and exercise at the same time!

Remember, it’s important to look outside of yourself for a while each day. See how others are doing; do some gardening; take your mind off of yourself and enjoy something. It’s amazing how much this can help us.

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” Albert Einstein.

Try the 5 Day Habit Challenge today

Do You Know That Listening Matters?

by Bron | Jun 25, 2020 | Improving Your Life

Listening to people matters; it’s important because it can change people’s lives.

You might be thinking “what is she talking about? That’s a vast over-statement.” But I honestly believe it isn’t an over-statement and here’s why.

I have had many times when someone has listened to me when I am trying to work something out or when I’m struggling with a particular issue and as they listened, I was able to get clarity on my situation. Just having a conversation with someone helped me to know how to move forward.

Have you ever experienced the relief that comes when you can get out some of what has been churning around in your brain and the feelings that came with it? As you say it aloud to someone, it can bring clarity just as you hear yourself say it. You don’t even need them to say anything!

There are other times when if the person who is listening to you can mirror back to you what they are seeing and hearing – the words and everything around the words (your tone of voice; tension in your body; emotions that might rise, etc.). This can bring enormous relief and hopefully some clarity about how to move forward in a situation. Sometimes you just need to get it out and know that someone has heard it. You don’t need anything else.

I know it sounds a bit strange, but I know for myself that this alone can help. The listener’s response – both in words and actions – can bring relief to the person speaking. They understand. They’re not laughing at you or calling you crazy. They are caring for you by giving you their time, attention and by not judging you.

Don’t you long to have people around you who can really listen to you? Who don’t spend all their time talking, but give you the time and space to share? Imagine how you might be able to help the people in your life if you could listen more effectively. Maybe it hasn’t been a priority for you up until now. But we find ourselves in a different time/season, where communication – and especially listening to understand – is crucial.

How can I know what life is like for my indigenous brothers and sister if I don’t listen? How can I know how the elderly and my broader family are managing through isolation due to coronavirus if I don’t create opportunities to speak and listen to them?

I produced a simple, straightforward course to give people the foundations of listening. It’s not difficult, listening alone can be hard enough when we get started! I’ve reduced the price of the course from $37USD to $9USD because I want as many people as possible to start on this journey of listening more effectively. Click on this to enrol now: LISTENING FOUNDATIONS – I WANT IN!

Whose life could you change by listening to them, today?

DO YOUR EMOTIONS CONTROL YOU? Here are 5 steps to help you move forward…

by Bron | Jun 24, 2020 | Improving Your Life, Living with Fibromyalgia

Do you have days that don’t go to plan because your emotions take over and lead you in another direction?

Are there days slip away in a haze of feelings?

Do you feel helpless to do anything about your emotions?

We all have days where nothing goes to plan:

We start working on something but get lost on the way.
Being uncertain about how to move forward, emotions take control.
Messages from the past start to flow through our mind – “you’re hopeless, you can’t do this”, “you’ll always be stuck right where you are”.
We are well and truly “stuck” in the quicksand of our feelings.

Does any of the above ring true for you? It may not be every day, but it happens more than you would like.

Looking back, I can see many, many days that were hi-jacked by my feelings. Some days I couldn’t see through the haze of emotion & felt powerless to know how to move forward. On other days, the feelings came and went but I was aware that they were still “bubbling away” under the surface There can be many reasons why this happens, and we are going to explore some of them here. But before we do, here is an important note and a couple of “do nots” to remember: If you feel depressed – if your feelings are mostly negative and they regularly overwhelm you, please seek help straight away. There are many phone counselling services you can call 24/7 (check online) – or see your Doctor asap. Do not wait. Seek help now.

DON’T: …always push your feelings down, plant a smile on your face and go on – every day. To be honest, there will be days that we need to do this – to push through in spite of the emotions. The reason I say not to do this all the time, is that at some point the feelings will build up and up and up until they “explode” out of you! It isn’t pretty when this happens! It sounds overly dramatic, but it happens if we don’t understand our emotions. We may yell at someone who has done nothing wrong! Or we may start crying in the middle of a meeting / class for no obvious reason.

Someone once described it to me in this way – imagine a rubbish bin. You are stuffing your emotions in the bin “to deal with another time” or just to get rid of them. If you keep on doing this, without seeking any help the bin gets to the point that the rubbish just keeps on pouring out of the top because there is too much stuffed into it. We need to seek help to work through what the emotions are about and what they are telling us. It is nothing to be ashamed of. We all need help at some time through our lives. While occasionally, we do need to push through the emotions, it is not healthy for this to become a lifestyle. Seek help from a Counsellor, Doctor, or good friend who you know listens well, etc. Any of these can help you to name the emotions and work out how to deal with them.

DON’T … ignore your feelings. On the surface, this may look the same as point 1 – stuffing down our emotions. But this one can be even worse. We don’t even acknowledge the existence of our emotions. We just straight out ignore them.

At least when we stuff our emotions down, we are dealing with them – even if it is unhealthy! When you ignore your feelings, you’re not even owning that they exist in the first place. You just turn your back on what’s going on internally for you.

There can be numerous reasons why people ignore their emotions:

We can be afraid of the intensity of our feelings and feel safer to ignore them.
We don’t know how to deal with them.
Maybe we don’t have the time or energy to work out our feelings. Life is too full of other things to deal with.

You can probably think of a few more reasons why you find yourself doing this.

We are body, soul, and spirit. Our feelings can and do tell us about ourselves, and, at some point we are going to have to acknowledge and understand them. If we don’t do this, then it will affect our lives.

Being someone who lives with fibromyalgia, I have many days that are affected by physical limitations – aching limbs, fatigue or brain fog are the main culprits. These bring their own challenges.

But they also bring a range of feelings that I face each day.

Frustration
Sadness
Apathy
Anger
… just to name a few.

Here are five things that I find helpful to manage my feelings each day and move forward in my life:

At the start of each day try and acknowledge “what is on top” – i.e. to name any feelings and what thoughts might be going around and around in my head.

Journaling has been a wonderful tool to help me to do this. Naming and owning my thoughts and feelings; and just getting them out of my head and on to paper is invaluable to me.

I have a mini-training to get you started on Journaling that is available for free until the end of June (after that it’s $9USD). If you are interested just press the following link: https://loving-this-life.teachable.com/p/journaling

Try to have a clear plan of how to start your day. Waking up and facing the day is often the hardest time for me. Lots of feelings and thoughts seem to crowd in on me at this time. So, the night before, or even at the beginning of each week, I map out what I am going to do at the start of each day.

This needs to have noticeably clear steps for me to follow.

Get up
Shower
Make Coffee
Read and journal
Start the list for today.
etc.

The first one is always the hardest! Just get started! Move. Get out of bed. Once I do this, I tend to roll through the next few steps.

Instead of having my day hijacked, I can focus on the next step I need to take and the more I do this, the more I feel like I have accomplished something, which is very satisfying!

Regularly catch up with a Counsellor or someone you trust and can talk to. I cannot stress enough how helpful it is to have someone I can make an appointment with, who isn’t a part of my circle of friends, etc, that I can work through what is happening in my life.

It can take a couple of tries to find the right person, but it is worth the effort. Life is difficult and, at times, asks a lot from us. We need to have a safe person that we know will listen and help us to work through how to keep moving forward, or even tell us when we need to stop and rest.

Take a day off. I can get into such a rhythm with the first two steps, that I just keep on working, or keep busy, because that is the easiest thing to do.

But I cannot stress how important it is to have a day off, where I don’t expect as much of myself.

To be honest, often I still have the first few steps of my day off planned out because I have learned I need to do this so that my feelings don’t control the day. But it is different to the normal start of my day. It looks like this:

Get up and make a cup of coffee
Go back to bed and read or listen to a podcast
Get up whenever I feel like & get dressed, etc.
Do some fun things that I’ve planned – which may include
- Watching a movie, or tv show (I try and decide what to watch before my day off – or I spend the day trying to find something!)
- Reading – usually a latest fiction novel
- Going for a walk
- Going out for a coffee
- Catching up with a friend
- Trying a new activity, craft, etc.

All and any of these things help me to relax.

Own the emotion. There are still days when feelings rise and need to be managed. If I have been living as I’ve stated above, then they don’t seem to be as intense or overwhelming.

I have had to learn over the past years to do the following when emotions rise:

Name and acknowledge what it is. This can be harder than it sounds at times. Am I angry, annoyed, frustrated, hurt, etc.? Do your best to name it and to acknowledge that this is how you are feeling at present.
Think about what you need to do with the emotion. This may sound strange to some. You may ask – what can I do about what I am feeling? Well, if you are caring for yourself and regularly care for yourself by managing your feeling as outlined above, it is easier to say something like the following to yourself:

“I’m feeling ……. I am okay. I am aware that …. this happened that probably triggered the feeling – or I don’t know what triggered it. But I know I’m okay and I can choose how I respond to the feelings.”

Now obviously, if you are not okay, you need to do something about it as soon as you can. (i.e. ask for help.)”

“As a result, I’m going to do ………..” Name the next step or two you are going to take. This may be to call your counsellor; or, tell yourself that while you can’t think about it right now, you will spend time later in the day to work out what the feelings are about; or give yourself some time straight away to work through it and then move on a step at a time.

It’s time to take responsibility for your emotions and how they are impacting your life. Where will you begin?

I want the Journaling Mini Training

Send me Bron's article Living with Fibromyalgia

FIBROMYALGIA & FOOD ALLERGIES – 4 HELPFUL THINGS

by Bron | Dec 15, 2019 | Living with Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia & Food. I must confess, that this is one blog I didn’t really want to write! Why? Because it’s something I’ve always battled with. I LOVE FOOD and when you love something you don’t generally want to give it up!

But there is another side to the story that tells us that food – the type; quantity and flavour, impacts our bodies and when it comes down to it, we need to work out what helps our bodies and what doesn’t.

My Story:

I developed food allergies in my teens, although I wouldn’t have been surprized if I’d had them before then. I started out with the Skin Prick tests which are still used to work out what allergies you might have.

To start with, they draw lots of dots up your arm and then prick your arm with a drop of the allergen they are testing for. I can remember having at least half a dozen of these at a time. If at the site of the needle prick you come up with a red welt you are showing sensitivity to the allergen. My most sensitive ones were to do with cats, various grasses and dust mite. Not fun – the site becomes red, swells up and can be very itchy!

When I first started out with testing, I discovered early that I had a sensitivity to wheat. So, I started to limit the amount of wheat in my diet. Let me tell you there are a lot more products now that are wheat free, than there were 20+ years ago. The one alternative for bread was to use rye. I did this, until I discovered months later that I had a higher sensitivity to rye than to wheat.

I say all of this, not to frustrate, but to alert you to the fact that working out what foods might be causing a flare up of Fibromyalgia or with one or more of your chronic illnesses, isn’t always a simple process. You will need some patience to work it through.

To help you in this process below are 4 things to remember that may help you as you work out what foods affect you:

1. Find out what foods have helpful characteristics in relation to your fibromyalgia / chronic illness. For example, if you live with a lot of pain, what foods have anti-inflammatory characteristics that may help you. For example:

Berries
Broccoli
Avocadoes
Green tea etc.

I receive daily emails from a fantastic site called Healthline. It looks at everything related food & diet and seems to be up to date with the latest research etc. I encourage you to check out this article on foods with anti-inflammatory benefits and even sign up for their newsletter if you’re interested. Healthline 13 anti-inflammatory foods

2. Do your own Detective work: Take notice of the effect that different foods have on you. This can be tricky as we eat a variety of foods every day. But after a while you get an idea when something is upsetting your stomach, giving you an itchy mouth or causing some other reaction.

Some people find it helpful to keep a food diary and take note of any symptoms that arise.
Eliminating foods from your diet for a while can help you to see if the problem goes, or, if it’s still there, it’s time to look at something else.
Check out your family history. Is there history of food allergies, or sensitivities?

We are complex beings and it can take time to work out what is best for you. We alone are able to see when symptoms flare up or when things have settled down. But sometimes we just need to focus on this whole area so that we can put the bigger picture together.

3. Ask for Help: Depending on what your symptoms are and how urgent the situation is for you; it may be time to turn to your Doctor to work out the next steps. (Don’t put off doing this if you have severe reactions to foods, etc. – other things may be happening.) Doctors can do initial blood tests to check for certain allergies, but they may also refer you to a Specialist to get more help.

It’s helpful to give your Doctor as clear a picture as you can of your symptoms, so that they can find the best person to help.

You may also want to ask your Doctor about any natural therapies or people who work in this field that they know has had considerable success. Often Doctors are aware from the results of their other patients as to how much success they have had.

4. Be patient: This can sometimes be a long process and patience is often needed to see it through. Giving up halfway through isn’t a helpful strategy unless you find that something, or someone, is no help at all.

Another thing that I’ve found is that my symptoms can change over time – which adds another challenge to life! What used to be a major problem, doesn’t seem to affect you so much. Or things that you used to eat regularly have started to affect you.

Sometimes, we have just had too much of something and our system says STOP! Enough! After a period of deleting this from your diet, you may well be able to introduce it back slowly without any side-effects. It may be best to do this under medical supervision.

I’m not medically trained, and I can only speak from my own experience. If you have any severe symptoms, then don’t delay – go and see your Doctor to work out what is happening – it may not even be food related.

Developing a good relationship with your Doctor is always helpful and worth putting effort in to.

Putting energy into ensuring that our bodies are receiving the best foods and liquids for optimum health, is something worthy of our time. Keeping up with the latest research is helpful and where I find the Healthline website/emails so helpful.

Ultimately, it’s up to us to care for our bodies. We can reach out to others to help, but we need to allow for the time and resources needed to ensure that we are on top of what our bodies need to function well.

Send me Bron's article on living with Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia – what does the brain have to do with it?

by Bron | Nov 21, 2019 | Living with Fibromyalgia

Anybody who lives with Fibromyalgia or any chronic illness, will tell you one of the most debilitating symptoms is living with pain. For some it is a constant in their daily lives; for others it comes and goes.

Fibromyalgia increases the brains sensitivity to pain and causes inflammation of the brain – more so than in other people. Any Fibromyalgia sufferer will tell you that there are certain areas of their body which are very sensitive to pressure. It causes a lot of pain when these areas are touched.

I will never forget the first time my Doctor touched the tender points on my body to try and diagnose Fibromyalgia. (A common diagnosis tool is to check the number of tender points – 18 possible sites which are very sensitive to touch. I think I had 13 of the 18 points that when touched, I felt like I would hit the roof – they were so painful.) At the time I couldn’t believe the sensitivity of those areas. It’s no surprize that I don’t like having a massage!

Most Fibromyalgia sufferers will have a similar story to tell.

Living with pain:

Once diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, we need to work out how to live with pain. Along with a diagnosis often sufferers are told that the symptoms we now live with, will be present the rest of our lives.

I was once told by a Pain Specialist that it was helpful to think of a continuum, with pain down one end and fatigue at the other end. Fibromyalgia patients can place themselves somewhere on the continuum. I experience more fatigue than pain therefore I’m further down the fatigue end of the continuum. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have pain, but I find the fatigue more overwhelming than the pain.

Learning how to live with pain is a huge challenge. Knowing the pain will never completely disappear and that you’ll never know exactly when it will strike or how long it will last doesn’t make life simple.

Every Fibromyalgia sufferer/fighter/warrior – or whatever name they have for themselves, has to find a way to manage the pain that comes will it.

There’s a Buddhist proverb that says:

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

At first glance, this proverb seems to be making light of pain. But when you think about it, it’s true. We can allow the pain to lead us into suffering or, we can learn to live with pain and find a way to have fulfilling lives.

I love this quote by Robert Gary Lee:

“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.”

When we can start to understand our pain, it starts to lose its hold on us.

I’m not trying to belittle anyone’s pain in saying this. I never want to do that. But there is a line of thinking in the current research that says the more we can understand our pain, the less it hurts.

This is where the link between the brain comes in…

The brain is such a fascinating, complex part of our body. We are only just starting to understand how it works.

Several years back I was introduced to a training process called the “Lightening Process” developed by Phil Parker. On their website, it says:

“The Lightning Process is designed to teach people skills to improve their health and wellbeing by looking at how the brain and body influence each other, and how we can use this information and skills to make radical changes in our lives.”

As a result of participating in the Lightning Process, I discovered new ways of understanding my Fibromyalgia. I also developed new skills to break some of the old ways I responded to my pain and fatigue. It has been life changing for me and yet I have a lot more to learn!

It was a very helpful process and it seems to be backed up by research more and more, as new studies are conducted in the connections between the brain and body.

So, what does this mean for us now?

Trying to make sense out of the pain that you live with daily, isn’t an easy thing to do. Most days it’s enough just to survive it.

But what if there is a different way of looking at the pain you live with, that might help to bring some relief? Wouldn’t it be worth trying to understand it more?

Do you have moments like I do, where you notice that when you try different ways of doing things, in spite of your pain, that sometimes you come through it okay.

The fear of what pain might come or the aftermath of fatigue that is usually there – doesn’t eventuate. What do you take away from moments like this?

Sometimes, being open to the possibility that I’m not completely “locked into” the symptoms of Fibromyalgia gives hope for the future. There are still choices that I can make to improve my life.

The effect of HOPE on the brain has been proven scientifically. As a result of the endorphins being released, hope can help block pain.

Please take the time to click on this link and read this story about Dick and Rick Holt. It will inspire you. https://www.terrysmall.com/blog/brain-bulletin-47-the-science-of-hope

I’m reminded once again of the quote I mentioned in my last blog (Check out the blog here: https://loving-this-life.com/2019/11/11/my-chronic-illness-5-things-i-wish-others-knew/ ) by Theodore Roosevelt:

“Courage is not having the strength to go on; It is going on when you don’t have the strength.”