Have you ever dreamed of being greater than you currently are? Someone that others look up to and notice whenever you walk in the room? Someone that leaps buildings in a single bound or wins the heart of a Prince? Okay, maybe the last ones are more like a fantasy than a dream, but you get the idea.
Over the past five years I have longed to do something greater with my life. To be someone better than I currently am. Someone that gives more to others and achieves something big. But every time I think about how to move forward, it’s like my feet are locked in cement and I can’t move anywhere.
Usually, there are one of three things stops me from moving forward. I wonder if they stop you too and how you would overcome them?
- The past.
Never underestimate the power of feelings or thoughts from your past. They will stop you like nothing else can.
Have you ever said these words to yourself: “This feels familiar? I’ve been here before”. Or maybe you’ve had an experience, like me, where the rug you’re standing on has been pulled out from under you? And while you’re flat on your back, you wonder, “How did I get here again!”
Something I’ve learnt the hard way, is that more often than not, it’s me that’s pulling the rug out from under myself! I know that sounds really stupid, but I can assure you it’s true. Sometimes old feelings of uncertainty or fear rise and stop me dead in my tracks and if I’m not really careful, they do trip me up and take me back to other times when I haven’t done so well. (What might happen if I do this? Will I get laughed at again, or told I’m stupid to even consider doing this? Will I end up making an even bigger fool of myself than I have in the past?)
Our feelings don’t always tell us the truth about ourselves. Sure there are times when we get afraid and its right to be. If you’re standing in a dark alley at 2 am and hear footsteps coming your way. It’s a good thing to let your “fight or flight” instincts kick into gear as you look around you. Or maybe you’re walking through a forest and come face to face with a snake dangling down from one of the trees. These are times when it is right to be intensely alert and ready to run or act defensively. But there are other times when those feelings of fear or foreboding arise and we need to stop and check whether or not we need to listen to them! Can you really trust these feelings? Or do they come from a time when you were younger and not as mature?
I know that might sound strange to some of you, but let me explain further. For some people, the feelings of excitement and expectation can quickly overwhelm them and they end up backing off from what they were about to do. In an instant the feelings move from positive expectations to fear, trepidation and uncertainty. If we listen to those feelings, we’re not going to get where we want to.
We need to learn to stop and identify the feelings and ask ourselves, “is what I’m feeling valid?” or “are these feelings coming from the past?”
Sometimes we need to get somebody else’s perspective…someone we trust, who will be honest with us about what’s happening. Often they can see more clearly what is going on because they’re not overwhelmed with a multitude of feelings.
Once we can see the feelings for what they are, we can choose what happens next. We don’t have to stay stuck in the cement!
Another thing that stops us is…
- Not having clear goals
Have you ever heard someone say “I just want to do something” but it soon becomes clear that they have no idea what that something is? You can almost guarantee that they won’t get anywhere because they don’t have a goal to move towards.
There's a quote I heard when I did some training that still haunts me today.
“Those that don't have goals end up working for those that do”. Isn't that true?
Without goals we end up following someone else's direction, or worse, we just go around in circles – quite literally.
So, we need to make sure we have clear steps to move forward. Even if we don’t have that final destination confirmed, we will need to have some of the steps clear to be able to move at all. For example: I’ve wanted to start a small business for some time now. The only problem is, I didn’t really know what business I wanted to do. I had a few crazy ideas, but I soon saw they wouldn’t be realistic and looked for other directions. It became clear I needed to do some brainstorming and ask myself some questions about what I enjoy doing and what I could see myself doing in the future, etc. Slowly, but surely, a picture of what I could do started to emerge and I’m in the process of starting that business today. But it took me much ages to get to this point. As in point one, if I'd asked for help from others to see what was stopping me and how unrealistic my first few ideas were, I might not have taken as long as I did to get started.
- Not having realistic expectations can pull us up in our tracks quickly.
The third thing that might stop us moving forward is reaching for the stars, when the moon is actually more realistic – to start with anyway.
This is a tricky one because sometimes we do have to think big and reach for the stars – but then we need to work out what is possible. I recently read the story about a young man in Malawi who built a windmill and was able to provide electricity and water for his whole community that was severely struggling from the effects of drought. How did he do it? By reading library books and using whatever materials he could find. In reading the books, he could see how it could be done and set about achieving his goal by using what he found lying around.
So what are realistic expectations? It really depends on what you are wanting to do. Again, you may need others help in seeing what is realistic – or finding other ways of going about getting resources or moving forward. Sometimes you need to be patient. It may take a bit longer than you had hoped, but making sure that you take all the necessary steps means that you are much more likely to reach your goal.
Don’t let the past stop you from doing what you really want to do. Set yourself some clear, realistic steps to reach your goal and don’t be afraid to ask for help from others who are better planners than you – they can often assist you in seeing the best path to take.
So, where would you like to see yourself in a year from now? What will it take you to get there?
What’s stopping you?